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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574226">Katara Alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majorwhovian/pseuds/FanofmanyFandoms'>FanofmanyFandoms (Majorwhovian)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Discovering Destiny [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Circle of Abuse, F/M, Grief, Guilt, Heavy Themes, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Trauma, Zutara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:35:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,758</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majorwhovian/pseuds/FanofmanyFandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is part of a series, but each story is designed to be read as a standalone if you don't want to read everything.</p><p>Three years after the war, Katara is studying healing in the North Pole when an incident abruptly makes her leave. Lost in a spiral of grief and guilt, she takes a detour into the Fire Nation alone, not willing to let her friends and family see her at her worst. When Zuko finds out she is missing he takes a trip to the North Pole to try and unravel the mystery Katara left behind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Discovering Destiny [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>102</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Rated Mature for heavy themes including child abuse and suicide. I tried to handle all these matters delicately and as sensitively as I could. Nothing is needlessly explicit and I strongly alluded to certain things instead of outright saying it. That said, some people might still find it triggering and I wanted to give fair warning.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm just going to take a quick stop in the Fire Nation to see Zuko and everyone, then I'll go straight home."</p><p>
  <span>Katara tightened the cinch around her waist and pulled the thick hood, framed in fur, over her head. Yugoda handed over her bag and Katara smiled gratefully at the older woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just be careful. I worry about you traveling alone, Katara" Yugoda said thoughtfully. The older woman, who had been dear friends with the girl's grandmother, was quite fond of the waterbender who had brought so much change to their tribe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not to mention Katara was one of the most skilled healers she had ever had the pleasure of teaching. It was horrible that this event had shaken her to the point of leaving. As much as Yugado worried for Anayah, what was done was done. Fate could not be changed and the past could not be helped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll be all right. I'll send you a message as soon as I get home" Katara assured the older woman. It was time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She quickly boarded the ship destined to take her home, and before long the northern gates were just a speck in the distance before they disappeared for good. It would be a few days before she reached the Fire Nation capital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent the days bending and meditating. The crew did not bother her and only spoke cordially to her. They were doing her a favor by taking a detour to the Fire Nation before continuing on to the Earth Kingdom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she finally got off the ship after they passed the Great Gates of Azulon, she thanked the captain profusely. He only smiled and bowed to her in return. It was an honor to assist one of the famous war heroes. She need not thank him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara walked down the ramp dressed in a traditional fire nation dress. It was in the modern style, but plain enough to not draw any unwanted attention to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no one waiting to greet her, but she was not expecting anyone to. Despite what she had told Yugoda, she had not informed Zuko, Toph, or Suki of her arrival. She knew Sokka had either just arrived at the Fire Nation or was about to. He was acting as an ambassador in the Fire Nation and was returning to the warmer climate after taking a short trip back home at the Southern Water Tribe. His trip home had been cut short by this incident. Though she missed her brother dearly, it was not a time for a reunion. There was too much on her heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they would be missing Aang.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Aang</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The thought pulled a lump in Katara's throat. Iroh had reassured them all repeatedly that the young avatar was all right, but it was so hard to believe. There were many people out there still bitter from the war, and who would love nothing more but to cut the life off from the sweet boy that had brought the world peace. He was barely 16 years old. Where could he go where he could get more help than he could with his own family?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been gone for nearly nine months at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara couldn't understand it, while at the same time she wanted nothing more than to get away by herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Forgive me, Zuko.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>How would Zuko react if he knew she was just a few miles away and hadn't come to see him? They had been nearly inseparable the first two years after the war. The young love they had for each other blossomed into a deep inseparable bond. They became best friends, and that made their connection even stronger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Zuko had fallen in love not just with Katara, but her family and tribe as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hakoda had taken Zuko under his wing.  The young Fire Lord learned how to fish, penguin sled, sail a boat through icy waters, build an igloo, hunt, and laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He even learned a sport that Sokka invented that involved strapping two skinny pieces of wood to your feet then sliding down a hill on them at high speeds. A broken leg and a broken arm later, and Zuko and Sokka were very thankful for Katara’s healing abilities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hakoda took Sokka and Zuko on a month-long hunting trip while Zuko lived with them. When they returned, it was with a plethora of stories, inside jokes, and enough meat to last several weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara found it beautiful and annoying.  For a whole summer, all Zuko had to do was nudge Sokka and say “ice beans” to make Sokka laugh and snort while Hakoda just shook his head and smiled. Gran-Gran had taken a special shine to Zuko, and did absolutely nothing to hide her favoritism. How she managed to get fire flakes imported just for him was a bit of a miracle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The funny part of this was that Zuko didn’t even eat the majority of the treat.  He made the mistake of sharing them with Sokka without indicating a limit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dynamic was balanced out perfectly with Pakku who favored Katara above the rest. It didn’t bother anyone and Katara not so secretly loved it. While Sokka and Zuko worked weekly on architectural plans for new villages, Pakku and Katara worked together to make those dreams reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every night, the tight little family would gather and enjoy supper together. After that, Zuko and Katara would sneak off to their special little spot at the top of an iceberg to stargaze and talk until Pakku called them inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They got to be kids again. It was an invaluable time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Zuko had turned eighteen and returned to relieve his uncle from his regent duties, and Katara had journeyed to the North Pole to continue her training. They hadn’t seen each other in months.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would be hurt that she didn’t run to see him, there was no question, but she trusted that he would understand if he ever did find out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needed this time. She quickly went to the dock center to purchase another ticket. She didn't want to risk being recognized in the capital.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where to, Miss?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Next boat going anywhere" Katara responded. She signed a fake name to the ticket, not willing to take any chances. Hopefully no one would even realize she was missing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her ship left in the next hour and Katara decided to kill the time at a local tea shop. The shop was mostly empty as it wasn't the usual hour for tea and Katara collapsed in a chair in the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can I get you anything?" the young server asked her. He was young, barely 15 by the looks of it. His dark hair framed his face and brushed the back of his neck. The sweet smile and slight awkwardness of his posture reminded Katara of a completely different young Fire Nation boy who once donned the tea server uniform.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll have...Ginseng, please" Katara replied after a moment of hesitation. The boy bowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Give me just a minute and I'll have that out. My name is Lee if you need anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara watched the boy's back as he left. Of course his name was Lee. That was pure coincidental poetry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She spent the hour periodically drinking the tea and swirling its contents in the mug. Her eyes glazed over and she tried to block out the noise in her head, unsuccessfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You saved my mother! How did you do that? I've never seen a healer do what you just did!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anayah's big blue eyes, sincere and true, had looked up at her with such admiration and hope. Clan fights and incidents were few and far between, but they did happen. Anayah did not seem to dwell on the violence that had brought her mother to the healing huts. Her mother was healed and the crisis was over. Anayah had seemed to accept the reality and move on very quickly.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It had both scared Katara and reminded her of herself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Are you a bender?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Yes! I haven't started training under Yugoda, but I don't want to learn from her. I want to learn from you! Will you teach me?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been so easy to say yes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara put her head in her hands, wondering how it all went so wrong. Yugoda was right. She could not change the past. That didn't stop her from dwelling on it. Katara had learned long ago that she had a tendency to self deprecate and let guilt consume her. It was something she fought against daily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this? This was a lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She left her money on the table with an ample tip for Lee and headed to the ship that was leaving for the other side of the Fire Nation coastline. It would be another couple days on the ship, but Katara didn't mind. The time at sea eased her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blended in with the other passengers easily. Since the end of the war, it was quite normal to spot a child of a mixed background wandering around in the clothes of any one of the nations. Her blue eyes and dark skin were a rarity, however, and she smiled back at several curious individuals who did not mean to stare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ship was an economy one, and Katara slipped down below deck to claim a bunk in the ladies' dormitory. She chose one in a corner by herself, away from the others, and quickly unpacked her toothbrush and blanket that she had brought from home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The supper on board was simple but filling and Katara returned to her bunk feeling satisfied. The majority of the people on board were of pure Fire Nation descent, but everyone seemed friendly enough. It put her at ease and she quietly joined the circle of women who were warming themselves by the galley stove. It was the end of winter for the Fire Nation, but it still felt quite warm to Katara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took an empty seat by a mother and daughter and smiled politely at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't seem very cold" the mother remarked casually to Katara. Katara managed a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's much colder from where I'm from. You could say I'm used to it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you from the North?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"South, actually" Katara replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you know Kyoshi island?" the young daughter spoke up. Katara nodded as the youngster's eyes widened in wonder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've heard so many stories," the girl said breathlessly. "How the brave warriors protected our Fire Lord and called upon the spirit of Kyoshi to bend the ocean for him to safety."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mother smiled ruefully and Katara bit back a chuckle. She didn't know how some of the legends about Suki and the Kyoshi warriors had evolved into what they were today, but she loved hearing the new ones. She didn't know where the rest of the Kyoshi warriors were presently. Suki led them on secret undercover missions in the Earth Kingdom for the first two years after the war.  Zuko knew more than Katara did, but she knew it had something to do with the banished Dai Li.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Zuko returned to the Fire Nation Suki joined him, acting as his personal bodyguard and advisor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I haven't heard that tale, but the warriors are very brave indeed. I know several of them personally, actually" Katara said. The girl clutched her chest and swiveled between looking at her mother with barely concealed excitement and at Katara with believing wondering eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The warriors are her heroes. She tells me every summer that she is going to run away to Kyoshi" the mother said, having seen the daughter's passionate love for the warriors displayed publicly on several occasions. She decided that it was a phase that the girl would grow out of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am" the girl assured Katara "I'm going to become a warrior too and fight just like Suki, the second Kyoshi!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the second time Katara had heard Suki be referred to in that way. The Fire Nation schools had abandoned their old curriculum and a new one had quickly been put in place by Iroh and Zuko. The national pledge had been rewritten as well. The response to the changes had been overwhelmingly negative at first, but it was wonderful to see the results that the new classes had on the children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pride and arrogance and the belief that their race was superior had been replaced with an even and respectable belief in the merits of all nations and their bending, along with the different history of the individual nations and their avatars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently this young girl had taken a shine to Kyoshi. Even better was the fact that the young mother did not seem bothered by her daughter's obsession with a hero from another culture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a beautiful thing to witness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My name is Jaya Lee, where are you from?" the mother asked. Katara was shaken out of her thoughts by the question, and didn’t know if she should come up with a lie or tell the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Originally from the Southern Water tribe, but truthfully I've come to know all of the nations as my home at one point or another" Katara answered honestly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But you're so young" Jaya Lee pointed out, not trying to be rude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara met the mother's gaze with sincerity and a smile void of judgment. The mother took in a sad breath, knowing that look, for she had seen it in so many young people before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maturity beyond years. These eyes had seen things that young eyes should never have to see. The different gazes were filled with bitterness, to anger, to brokenness, to longing and sadness, grief and despair, but most rarely, peace and wisdom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No words needed to be exchanged and the mother knew that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I have been a nurse since I was 15" Jaya Lee said softly. "I was stationed on the islands for the first 7 years until I met my husband, Ozomai. When we had Miyi I left the military and moved to the colonies where Ozomai was assigned as a peacekeeper."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you...still live there?" Katara asked hesitantly. Jaya Lee shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ozomai was immediately taken as a prisoner of war when the war ended. The earth village that we lived in had only been under Fire Nation control for ten years, and the citizens took arms against us once we no longer had the crown backing our defense."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara gasped lightly. She had tried not to focus too hard on some of the politics and events that had quickly followed the war. Having experienced the treachery against Zuko first hand several times, she knew the end of the war brought many grey rimmed scenarios that didn't have a clear right or wrong way of solving the problems.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The colonies had been one of those scenarios. Zuko was currently moving towards a peaceful solution, thus why Sokka had offered his services as an ambassador.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaya Lee saw the look on Katara's face and put a hand on her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I hold no grudge. My husband was released to us last year in a prisoner exchange program. We could have stayed in the town but we thought it best to leave. Miyi and I were just visiting my parents on the mainland and are headed back to our home on Huazo Island. Ozomai is waiting for us there."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara relaxed, glad to see the story had a happy ending. But Jaya Lee was still more gracious than she was expecting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How did you...I mean to say, why are you...I mean, I'm..." Katara wasn't sure how to frame the question without sounding insulting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're what?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A foreigner" Katara said finally "a stranger, and your enemy up until two years ago. Yet, you let your daughter talk freely about Kyoshi and did not hesitate to start a conversation with me, though I'm obviously not Fire Nation. You were separated from your husband for a whole year, yet you speak of it like it was no big deal..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My dear, when I was a nurse in the colony I was able to see both sides. Even though I did not make friends with my Earth Kingdom neighbors, I was able to see their resolve and their plight. I was taught to value character and a sense of honor before all else. If my daughter has picked a hero that represents all that for her, then who am I to tell her no? As the world tries to forgive and forget the horrible things our nation has done, how can I do any less than to extend the peace to a stranger that I hope is sent back to me in return?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A lump landed in Katara's throat and she squeezed Jaya Lee's hands in both of hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you" she said hoarsely. Katara got up and returned to her bunk, too overwhelmed to speak anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was extremely grateful for the conversation with Jaya Lee, but a realization had sprung up in her mind and she could not shake the thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaya Lee had successfully stopped the cycle of violence the war had caused. It was evident in Miyi, who was so bold as to voice wanting to become a Kyoshi Warrior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But had Katara done the opposite? She had preached hope and peace her entire life, but had her subtle doubts influenced the mind of her prized pupil? The blue eyes of Anayah rose up again. They were void of innocence and peace and flashed with anger and bitterness that had successfully hidden so long beneath the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This dear mother, a complete stranger, had not passed on the ways of violence and bitterness to her young daughter, but Katara might have done just that to her dear Anayah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara fell into a fitful sleep that night. Her dreams were plagued by the memories that she did her best to squander and forget, to no avail. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You don't know me! You’re nothing but a traitor, Katara!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Anayah, please!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You were wrong, Katara. I’m not like you. I’m better. I’m choosing to do the right thing, like you almost did two years ago.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"That's not what it was...I was wrong, Anayah, I was so wrong."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was raining lightly when the ship stopped at a port the next evening. Katara disembarked and threw a dark cloak over her head to protect from the rain. She stepped into the street that was riddled with small streams and puddles. Shopkeepers had closed their shutters and people gathered beneath the small roofs that provided some shelter from the cold rain as they did their shopping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara was tired and the small lunch she had that afternoon had not been nearly as satisfying as the dinner the night before. She sought out the nearest tea shop that served food as well. As she crossed over the crest of a hill she stopped as a memory from three years ago filled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had been wearing that stolen Fire Nation outfit that left her midriff exposed for all to see. Aang had followed her down the street, his head full of dark black hair as he held Momo in his arms. Toph had followed behind with Sokka in tow. She had pointed to a glittering shop up the hill and had urged the others to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara followed her younger self through the rainy streets to the same glittering shop that had called to her before. It was all the same. The tiny windows with a little row of candles lined up along the edge. The red and gold trim that colored the shop shimmered with a new coat of paint. The little shop buzzed with a small crowd of people and the lamplight cast an inviting glow on the puddles in the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a warm and nostalgic sight for Katara. She opened the door and that same charming bell rang delightfully in her ears. The interior of the shop was the same, with the many tall fish tanks mounted to the sides of the walls, filled with tiny creatures that blinked and glowed as they swam through the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could remember the protests of the owner as Momo stuck a curious paw in the nearest fish tank, and the laughs of Aang as he tried to catch his elusive pet.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, Aang. Wherever you are, please be ok. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What would Aang say when he saw her again? It wasn't in his character to rub people's noses in their mistakes, but somehow all Katara could see was his disapproving eyes as he learned what she had done. She could hear his voice, rightly condemning her. It didn’t matter that he would never utter these words - Katara could hear it. She deserved it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"</span>
  <em>
    <span>I warned you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The owner did not recognize Katara, though she was not expecting him to. She ordered and ate in silence. Her mind lost in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain cleared up as Katara finished her meal. The stars came out and the owner lit the candles on the rooftop. The sound of music drifted down from the rooftop balcony as people migrated up to enjoy the starlight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt compelled to walk up and enjoy the scene. Hadn’t she dreamed of moments like this after the war? She needed to live it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the stars glittered above her she choked back a mix of a sob and a laugh as a particular conversation she had with Zuko years ago came back to her.  It was three days before Sozin’s Comet and they had been making the last supper they would all share at the Ember Island house.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"World without war. What would you do right now if the war didn't exist?"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was chopping vegetables and stirred up conversation with the game they had played together to remind themselves that there would be an end to all the chaos. She had responded with a little day dream.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Right now? I would drop dinner instantly and get on the next ship headed to the mainland. There's a little tea shop on one of the Fire Nation islands and I would travel all night to get there and drink a cup on the restaurant rooftop while Momo terrorizes all the fish in the tanks in the dining area.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Zuko laughed.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Uncle is going to love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara smiled to herself as the candlelight on the rooftop reflected in her eyes. He had been right about that part.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Why the Fire Nation? There's tea shops everywhere."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Well, this particular tea shop was...different. I could just imagine stargazing on the rooftop while thousands of those little candles were lit up everywhere. It was beautiful. The Fire Nation is so full of color and light. I always imagined it was a horrible place as a child, where all the monsters that hid under the bed went to live. I thought the people would be horrible and proud and cruel...but I was wrong. The Fire Nation is beautiful, and it's people are just as much victims of this war as others...just in a different way. I think...I think I learned that from Yon Rha..."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It should have been a happy little memory to recall. Her wish had come true, after all. But all Katara felt was pain and regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yon Rha</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still hated the man. That would never go away. She had made the mistake of telling Anayah just </span>
  <em>
    <span>how much</span>
  </em>
  <span> she hated him. She had been desperate for a friend and confidant. Since she had been separated from Zuko, she found an empty spot in her heart. One she desperately wanted filled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anayah had presented such a friendship and Katara had trusted the girl quickly. Too quickly. Without actually knowing her. She had taught her things she shouldn’t have, and Anayah had been only too willing to learn. And then that fateful day had happened, and Anayah had only been too quick to jump to conclusions.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The body had burn marks, Katara. He didn’t get those from a waterbender!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara knew the look in Anayah’s eyes when she had stormed out for the last time. It was anger, rage, and pain that hadn’t yet found the outlet. It brought her back to the day she stood before the man who murdered her mother. The day she had let herself become a monster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara wiped away the tears that had filled her eyes at the memories. The soft glow of the candlelight could not burn away the pain of the moment. Her gaze lowered from the sky to the road and hills ahead that looked so familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The river town.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It had to be just a mile away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that would bring her some sense of relief. Maybe she would feel less of a monster in a place where she had done something truly selfless and good. She could catch another ship and leave later. Maybe this could bring the peace she was searching for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before it got too late, Katara left the tea shop and headed up the hill, ready to see some old friends.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The River Town is the location of the Painted Lady episode from season 3, in case anyone was confused.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The town looked just like she remembered it. She stood at the top of the hill and looked down at the peaceful setting. Lights glinted brightly from house windows and the reflections shimmered out across the sparkling clean waters of the river.</p><p>Katara glided out over the water, using her bending to cross. She stepped lightly on the floorboards of the wooden deck. Some people were still out and about, and Katara just wandered.</p><p>Everything was nearly the same. The town was a bit larger and Doc's store was no longer there, but the statue of the Painted Lady still stood tall in the center of town. Katara walked up to it and took in the beautiful red designs and graceful features.</p><p>It felt so long ago when she had last put on the costume and did the whole spirit act. She remembered it well. The memory was enough to bring a smile to Katara's lips and a few butterflies in her chest. </p><p>"Psst, it’s her."</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Who else could it be?"</p><p>Katara turned and smiled at the two boys that were watching her from several feet away. One of them was bolder than the other and stepped forward.</p><p>"You're the waterbender that healed my mother, aren't you?"</p><p>Katara paused and took in the boy's features. That big toothy grin was still the same and it clicked. He was the boy she had given food to and visited when she had been impersonating the spirit.</p><p>
  <em> La, he was as tall as she was now! </em>
</p><p>"I suppose I am" Katara said. The boy didn't miss a beat. He grabbed Katara's hand and excitedly pulled her from the square down the wooden path.</p><p>"Please. Meet my mother! She never got to thank you!" He insisted. Katara laughed and let herself be led to one of the nearby homes.</p><p>"Mom!" The boy called as he opened the door to the house. A woman and man were seated at a small table in the center of the room.</p><p>"What is it Wan?" The woman asked. She stood up quickly when she saw Katara enter the house behind the boy.</p><p>"It's...it's you" the woman breathed. The man stood up and walked over quickly. He stood intimidatingly close in front of her. Katara could not read his face.</p><p>A second later she was pulled into the tightest bear hug, just like the kind she hadn't experienced since she said goodbye to her Dad earlier that year.</p><p>"Thank you" the man breathed. Katara felt something wet against her shoulder and realized the man was weeping.</p><p>"You don't need to thank me for anything" Katara said when he pulled away. "I just wanted to help."</p><p>She had <em> always </em> just wanted to help. The family insisted on her sharing supper with them and they shared their personal story with Katara.</p><p>The mother, Yin, had been extremely sick back then with a disorder that was worsened in the filthy environment caused by the polluted river. The chemical stench soaked the floorboards of the home and all the people of the village had been breathing in the fumes for decades. It was no wonder there had been so many sick people back then.</p><p>When the river was cleaned many of the villagers recovered quickly and began to rebuild their village. Then the war had ended, and all the soldiers and firebenders had come home, including Wan’s father, Okoso.</p><p>They quickly made the connection that the group of children that had visited them that summer were the same young war heroes that ended the war. Katara was hesitant to confirm the fact, but she sensed no hostility from the family. She wasn't worried, anyway. If there was any danger it would be very easy to escape. She was quite literally surrounded by her element.</p><p>Okoso had been a soldier on the air fleet the day of Sozin’s Comet, and had been one of the men rescued by Toph, Suki, and Sokka after the final battle. Apparently, Toph had saved the man and his comrades from drowning by earthbending a bridge back to land.</p><p>When they heard Katara was traveling, they insisted she spend the night.</p><p>“I couldn’t impose” Katara protested.</p><p>“Nonsense” Yin laughed with a wave of her hand. “As if you could impose after everything you did for us.  Do you need to be somewhere tonight?”</p><p>Katara paused. No, she didn’t. Or rather, maybe she needed to be <em> here. </em> Maybe the people who she had healed could help heal her. General Iroh always said that destiny was a funny thing.</p><p>“I’ll stay” she said quietly.</p><p>That night, the sound of the rushing river beneath the floorboards lulled her to sleep like a lullaby. For the first time in weeks, her mind was quiet.</p><p>
  <em> 6 months earlier... </em>
</p><p>“Katara, I trust your judgement, you know I do.  But I’ve known Anayah longer, and I just don’t think she’s ready to be a healer.”</p><p>Katara sighed. She trusted Yugoda’s opinion explicitly, but she couldn’t shake the desire she had. Anayah had been training at the Northern Water Bending academy ever since the war ended. Both her parents were part of the Lune Clan, located about a mile from the capital city of the Northern Water Tribe.</p><p>Initially, Yugoda had been eager to convince the young girl to learn healing. She was a talented bender that showed great promise. But it wasn’t until the girl’s mother had been injured in a clan squabble that Anayah showed any interest in the sacred art.</p><p>“But you’ve been trying to get her to learn healing from day one.  Why is it that when she requests me as her teacher that you suddenly aren’t on board with it?” Katara asked. She wasn’t trying to accuse her mentor of anything. Just raising a legitimate question.</p><p>Katara’s theory was that Anayah was a little hardened. Most of Anayah's life had been spent in conflict and it hadn’t been easy until her father had returned home after the war was over. She missed having a friend and she and Anayah just seemed to...click.</p><p>Yugoda had seen a marked change in the girl ever since her father had returned to her life. She became more aggressive, hardened, and obsessed with advancing her bending. The sudden passion to learn about every part of the human body at the healing huts seemed very...odd.</p><p>Yugoda chided herself slightly as Katara stood before her with pleading blue eyes. Maybe she was being too harsh. If anyone could be a good teacher and influence on Anayah, it was Katara. The girls had shared experiences and seemed to get along swimmingly.</p><p>Maybe Anayah was just having trouble adjusting to having her father back. Maybe there was no ulterior motive to the sudden interest in healing. Years spent around war had made Yugoda a little less trusting than she was born to be.</p><p>“It’s not that I don’t think you’ll do a good job, Katara. I think you will be a fantastic teacher,” Yugoda assured her star pupil.</p><p>“Then let me. Please, Yugoda” Katara begged.</p><p>“All right, Katara,” Yugoda said as a smile broke out on her face, “You win. Tell Anayah she may begin her lessons with you immediately if she so chooses.”</p><p>Katara smiled brightly.  She would be a fantastic teacher. She already was. She had trained the avatar, after all. This could be one of the many things that would fill her future. Katara wanted so many things from life. She had so many dreams.</p><p>She had already helped rebuild the Southern Water Tribe. Soon, she would return home and set up her own hospital and bending academy. With Pakku’s help, she planned to make her tribe the powerful force that it had once been so many years ago.</p><p>And then...then she might go back to the Fire Nation and go see a very special young firebender who she missed with her whole heart. She remembered the last face to face conversation they had before she left for the North Pole, leaving him to face his destiny as Fire Lord.</p><p>
  <em> “Zuko, promise me something.” She broke their kiss and leaned up against his shoulder. He had gotten so much taller in the past two years. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They had been savoring their last few minutes together in privacy, stealing all the touches and kisses they would be forced to go without for the foreseeable future. The earlier argument with Aang already forgotten and the furthest thing from their minds. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Depends on the request,” he said with a small smirk. Katara shook her head lightly and smiled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Mai told you that you can’t be a good man and a good ruler at the same time. Prove her wrong. You know who you are. I know who you are. Promise you’ll take care of yourself. Be good to yourself.  And if anyone gets in your way, send for me. I’ll take care of it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I promise, Katara. Though I’m pretty sure Toph will get to them before you do.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She chuckled as he kissed her forehead. </em>
</p><p><em>“Now, I want you to make me a promise,” he whispered to her.</em> <em>“Promise me you’ll chase those dreams, Katara. Go get what you want. Be who you want. I know who I am, but you need to figure out who you are too. And when you figure that out, come back to me. Just don’t wait until I’m as old as Uncle.”</em></p><p>
  <em> “I promise, Zuko. I won’t be too long. I love you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I love you too.” </em>
</p><p>She had followed his advice and discovered another passion of hers to add to the list. She was 17 years old and was discovering who she was as she grew up.</p><p><em> A teacher. A healer </em> . <em> A warrior. A friend. Future Fire Lady? Hopefully. Maybe? </em>She sure hoped so.</p><p>She was figuring it all out, she had thought as she left Yugoda’s house and headed to find Anayah. <em> Her new student. </em></p><p>She was stronger and wiser and freer than she had ever been.</p><p>Oh, to be back at that happy place when she thought that was true. Before everything came crashing down. Before she had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life...and blew it all to pieces…</p><p>~0~0~0~</p><p>It took Katara a moment to remember where she was when she woke up. A warm spicy scent filled her nose as the sound of rushing water filled her ears. <em> That’s right. The river village. </em></p><p>She sat up and stretched. She was alone in the small room. It took only a moment to brush out her hair and pull on a new shirt, and Katara walked out of the small house to the attached covered porch. Yin was cooking breakfast.</p><p>“Sleep well?” Yin asked when she spotted Katara standing awkwardly in the doorway. The mother’s keen eyes had not missed the dark circles under Katara’s eyes or the way the young girl’s shoulders sagged in exhaustion. Katara nodded and sat down on one of the mats.</p><p>“Better than I have in a long time, thank you.”</p><p>“So where are you headed to in the Fire Nation?” Yin asked conversationally as she filled a bowl and handed it to Katara. The dish was unfamiliar, but Katara didn’t want to seem rude.</p><p>“Um...I…” Katara stammered, not knowing how to answer the question. “Actually, no place in particular. I guess you could say I’m taking a bit of a vacation.”</p><p>Yin smiled as she noted Katara’s hesitance to taste the dish.</p><p>“It’s scuttle fish congee. I suppose you wouldn’t have that in the South Pole,” Yin guessed. Katara shook her head and raised the spoon to her lips. It was warm and savory with the tiniest bit of heat from the chilli paste. <em> La, she had missed these dishes. </em> It tasted much better than the food from the galley on the ship.</p><p>“We don’t cook with much rice in the poles, so no. But I do miss Fire Nation dishes” Katara said once she had swallowed the first bite. “This is delicious. Thank you.” Her stomach grumbled, and Katara realized how hungry she was. The bowl of congee started to disappear quickly.</p><p>“Are you traveling with anyone?” Yin asked after a few minutes of silence. Katara wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve and shook her head.</p><p>“No,” she replied honestly. Yin looked curious, but decided not to ask any more questions.</p><p>“I appreciate you not telling everyone that I’m here. I don’t think I’m ready for a crowd” Katara said. Yin nodded.</p><p>“Don’t think anything of it. Also, you should know that Okoso and I would like you to stay as long as you like.”</p><p>Katara looked up in surprise and Yin smiled sadly. She did not know the young hero’s story. She had only been present for a small part of it, but she knew of the tole war took on all its victims. On both the winners and the losers.</p><p>Katara bore burdens Yin could not see or maybe even understand. They were strangers to each other, after all. But as the woman had witnessed before; kindness could change the world.</p><p>And it <em> was </em> changing the world. The new Fire Lord was making sure of it.</p><p>“I might...stay for a few days” Katara said hesitantly. “I’m looking for something, and I guess I thought I could find it here.” She didn’t elaborate and Yin didn’t press Katara any further.</p><p>There was a patter of feet as Wan ran up the ramp to the porch.</p><p>“Wan, you have to eat” Yin said, filling another bowl.</p><p>“Yes, Mom, in just a second” Wan said as he bent over to catch his breath. “Lady Katara, my friend’s little sister fell off a ledge and cut her leg pretty bad. And he was hoping the Painted Lady would…”</p><p>“Wan!” Yin scolded. She narrowed her eyes and Wan instantly shrank from the scolding coming his way.</p><p>“I didn’t tell him, Mom, honest! He was with me when we spotted her yesterday. I didn’t think it would be a problem if…”</p><p>“It’s ok” Katara said as she put her empty bowl down. “I don’t mind. Really. Where’s your friend’s house?”</p><p>If Katara hoped to keep her presence in the town a secret, the very idea went right out the window as news traveled around the docks quickly. Before she knew it, she was being invited into every home, offered any dish or sweet treat under the sun, and healing countless scrapes and cuts of the young children running about (some twice in a row, funnily enough).</p><p>Though she thought she wasn’t prepared for the crowd, she found herself unable to stop laughing at the little fan base that started to follow her around.</p><p>“We heard how you flew a thousand feet in the air and scared away the bad soldiers with one raise of your hand!” one particularly passionate boy declared. Apparently, the Gaang’s little escapade three years ago had become quite the local legend. </p><p>“Yes, I suppose I did do that. Though I don’t think I flew quite that high,” Katara remarked to her captive audience.</p><p>“I wish I could make water glow like you” a little girl said sadly. Katara looked down as the little girl held up her hands. A flurry of sparks jumped from her tiny fingers then died out before they could even form a flame. “But I can’t even firebend right.”</p><p>Katara knelt down and got on eye level with the little girl.</p><p>“You know that the Fire Lord is a very powerful bender, right?” Katara asked. All the children nodded vigorously.</p><p>“Well did you also know that when he was little he struggled for a long time to even make a flame? They didn’t even think he was a firebender at all until he was nine years old.”</p><p>“I’m five!” the girl proclaimed proudly, holding up her fingers. Katara nodded and smiled brightly.</p><p>“And just like Fire Lord Zuko, if you work hard and don’t give up, these little sparks will turn into beautiful bright flames of every color you can imagine.”</p><p>The little girl’s eyes grew wide and she beamed.</p><p>“Ok” she said in a hushed tone. She looked down at her hands as if she was seeing them in a new light.</p><p>“The first time I made a flame I almost burned down the house and now my dad says I can’t bend in the town anymore. I have to do it on the shore,” one of the little boys proclaimed. “But I’ve gotten really good. You wanna see?”</p><p>It took only a second for him to conjure a flame that was much too large for him to control. A nearby rope that was tying a boat to the dock ignited and Katara quickly bended a small wave of water over the area, putting out the fire and leaving the boy soaked.</p><p>Despite his wet clothes, the boy grinned like he had just won the lottery. The other kids looked at him with open mouths.</p><p>“See?” he said proudly “Don’t you want to be just like me and do <em> that?” </em></p><p>“Just watch” the little five year old chirped to the older boy. She held out her hand and ignited the tiny little flurry of sparks again. “<em> I’m not going to be like you </em> . Someday, <em> I’m going to be even better!” </em></p><p>As the other children laughed, Katara straightened up as the blood drained from her face. Of course. She could only distract herself for so long.</p><p>The sun was starting to set. The day had flown by without notice. As soon as the crowd of curious children dispersed, Katara bended her way across the river to a secluded spot on the opposing shore.</p><p>She had been so busy and distracted all day, but one little statement from a child was all it took to bring her crashing down. It had been nice not to get lost in her own guilty thoughts, but as soon as it was quiet again Katara collapsed on the wet dirt.</p><p>“<em>I’m not like you. I’m better.” </em>Memories were cruel.</p><p>The faces of Hama, Yon Rha, and Anayah filled her vision, and Katara felt sick to her stomach. If revenge was a poison then regret had to be twice as potent. </p><p>“Will you haunt me forever?” she whispered to the ground. Her fists were balled up tightly and the dirt clumped beneath her fingernails as hot tears fell from her eyes onto the back of her hands.</p><p><em> This circle of blood and anger and pain! </em>Katara cried unhampered into the night air as she lifted up her head towards the sky.</p><p>“I don’t want to be in this cycle! <em> Please! Let me go.” </em></p><p>Her cracked voice bounced off the rocks and echoed back into her ears. As the sun completely disappeared behind the hills, the evening found her crying and shaking in the dark.</p><p>Alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is where the mature rating starts to come in. Just heads up.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was late when Katara returned to Yin and Okoso’s house. Once she had collected herself, she had taken a bath in the river and washed her clothes. She felt drained, but at least she was clean.</p><p>She quietly slipped onto her borrowed mat in the corner of the room and turned over to try and get some semblance of sleep. Yin opened her eyes slightly when Katara entered. She looked over across the room and saw Katara ease herself down. Her entire frame spoke of how tired and worn she was.</p><p>Whatever Katara was looking for, Yin determined she would help her find it.</p><p>The next few days were a blur to Katara. She did everything she could to distract herself. Healing, fishing, exploring, shopping in town. She even helped with the construction of a new building for the village.</p><p>Using her bending, she had pushed the waters of the river back and the men were able to construct the foundation in half the usual time. At the end of the first week, Katara made a decision.</p><p>“Yin, is there a communication tower in town?”</p><p>Yin looked up at Katara curiously.</p><p>“Yes, there is.”</p><p>“I need to send a message to the North Pole. Do you have idea how much that would cost?”</p><p>Yin stood up and offered Katara her hand.</p><p>“Don’t even worry about it. I was actually about to head to town a little later. I can go now and we can stop at the tower on our way back.”</p><p>Katara smiled. The woman really was too kind. She accepted the offer gratefully and an hour later was scrawling out a message to Yugoda. She didn’t want anyone to worry about her.</p><p>
  <em> Yugoda, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I enjoyed my time with Fire Lord Zuko, but needed to get home. I am doing well and getting some much needed rest. Please let me know if you find out anything about Anayah. I hold on to the hope that she is still alive and will be found soon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for everything. Gran-Gran says hello. Love, Katara. </em>
</p><p>The message would get to Yugoda within a week, hopefully.  Katara didn’t need her mentor worrying about her.</p><p>“Are you sure it’s ok that I stay a while longer?” Katara asked Yin.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Yin exclaimed. “You’ve helped us all so much. You should start worrying about whether or not we’re going to let you go!”</p><p>“Well, if you keep feeding me like you have been, you needn’t worry about that!” Katara laughed. “My brother would absolutely love you.”</p><p>“And I’m sure we would love him” Yin replied.</p><p>Together they headed back home.</p><p>The little river town became Katara’s home for the next 3 months. Spring arrived and Katara was reminded of how insanely hot the climate was. It wasn't even summer yet and every day her clothes were sweaty and stinky.  Her scandalous dress she had worn as a young girl during the war suddenly didn’t seem so inappropriate. Crop tops were her new favorite thing and Yin had no problem helping Katara pick out fabrics and sew her own clothes.</p><p>But every night, Yin watched as Katara tossed and turned on her mat. Sometimes she slept, and sometimes she would get up in the middle of the night and stand out on the back porch, bending in the moonlight until the early dawn hours.</p><p>Yin assumed it was bad dreams, but she couldn’t know for sure. Whatever it was that was tormenting Katara, the young woman held it very close to her chest. She had a wall erected that Yin had yet to penetrate.</p><p>Until one day, Katara broke down. She had experienced patches of happiness in the little river town as she kept herself busy. But every night, the empty feeling returned, and she spent countless hours staring up at the ceiling of the small bedroom. She felt alone and lost and so so guilty.</p><p>Okoso and Wan were on a fishing trip when it happened. Yin returned from the village on shore to find Katara curled up on her mat, shaking like a leaf as tears poured down her cheeks.</p><p>“Katara! Are you hurt? What’s wrong?” Yin exclaimed, dropping her packages and instantly rushing to Katara’s side. Katara jerked up like she had been shocked. Like magic, the tears disappeared and she straightened up.</p><p>“No, no, it’s ok. Just some homesickness I think” Katara said, brushing it off quickly. Yin frowned.</p><p>“Katara” Yin began bluntly, “I know I don’t really know you that well, and I know it’s none of my business...but this<em> thing </em> you’re running from. It’s not just going to <em> go away </em>.”</p><p>“I’m not running from anything...I don’t think” Katara said softly. “I’m...trying to find something.”</p><p>Yin knelt down next to the girl and handed her a cup of water. Katara took it gratefully.</p><p>“Maybe I could help you look. What are you looking for?” Yin asked carefully. She held her breath, fully expecting Katara to smile and brighten up. Brush it off and say she was heading to the square to play with the children or something.</p><p>But Katara was tired. Somehow it was easier to admit things to a stranger.  Maybe a stranger could look into her and see the thing that people who knew her best were blind to.</p><p>“Peace” Katara said as a lump lodged firmly in her throat. “I just want to find some peace. I wanted to go somewhere quiet and do something good. I thought I had it all figured out, but I was wrong. And now I feel lost.”</p><p>Yin gently took the empty cup from Katara’s hands. Woman to woman, she grasped both of Katara’s hands in her own.</p><p>“My dear, we find peace when we find ourselves” Yin said quietly. “And we find ourselves by following our own paths.”</p><p>“But I don’t know where my path is” Katara said. It was almost a whisper and Yin could barely hear her.</p><p>“I feel like I’m stuck in a dark cloud and I can’t believe a thing my own head is saying to me. I wanted to believe I could be good. I wanted to stop...stop feeling like a <em> monster.  </em>There’s this cycle I’m stuck in.”</p><p>She had to explain it from the beginning. She just needed to tell <em> someone. </em></p><p>“Someone did something horrible to my family years ago. Later on when I was training the avatar, I was taught a power that I could use to get back at that person who wronged me. Then, when the opportunity presented itself...I couldn’t go through with it. I still hated the man, and I still gave in somewhat to all those dark thoughts...I still...<em> hurt </em>people, but I didn’t kill him. Then the war ended. I forgave myself for giving in to my dark side. I realized the power I possessed wasn’t inherently evil. It was the way I used it that determined its nature. I thought I was all better. I promised I wouldn’t ever let myself become a monster again.”</p><p>Katara’s voice cracked as tears filled her eyes.</p><p>“I...I was happy. I was with my family and the boy I loved. I got to be a kid...after all I went through, I was able to look past it and just <em> be happy. </em> But then I told my story to the wrong person. Instead of making them better I passed on the hatred I had for the man who wronged me to someone else. Someone who was weaker than I was.”</p><p>Anayah’s face rose up before Katara’s eyes and guilt filled her chest.</p><p>“They used my hate as justification for their own actions. I inspired them to do wrong and gave them the ability to follow through with those dark desires. I became a monster again. And I made someone else a monster with me.”</p><p>Yin listened without saying anything in response. She felt a little loss for words as Katara poured out her pain. The wall was crumbling. The dam was breaking. It was all coming out at once. Because she didn’t know how to do anything else, Yin lifted up her hand and started rubbing comforting circles on Katara’s back.</p><p>Katara sucked in a breath. The comforting gesture was very familiar, and all the memories that the sensation brought with it managed to calm her down just a tad. She wiped her nose and continued.</p><p>“I thought I could escape the cycle of war and violence that has consumed so many people around me. I thought I had made peace with my own demons. But no. I just handed them over to someone else.”</p><p>The faces appeared before her again. <em> Hama. Yon Rha. Anayah. </em></p><p>“This power you speak of” Yin said after Katara had been silent for a few minutes. “You said you realized it wasn’t the power that was inherently evil...it was what you did with it that determined whether it was good or bad.”</p><p>Katara nodded. She had already decided she would never share or talk about bloodbending with anyone ever again. Yin didn’t need to know the details.</p><p>“It is the same with this other person. This monster you say you created. Words have power, <em> great power, </em> but you cannot be responsible for the actions of someone else. Ever. You cannot blame yourself for any evil they did, because that was their decision to make."</p><p>"But I inspired them" Katara insisted, shaking her head. "If I hadn't shared my story, my pain, then maybe they wouldn't have dropped off the edge like they did. They fell off the cliff but I’m the one who pushed them."</p><p>"Katara, this person sounds like they were looking for an excuse. If you hadn't said anything they would have just used someone else to justify their actions. Don't ever feel guilty for sharing your story or your truth. You said that years ago you were able to stop yourself from taking full revenge and killing a man. You were wise to let that hate go.”</p><p>“But that’s just it. I didn’t let it go” Katara said. “I did and I still hate the man with every fiber of my being. I can’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him.”</p><p>“But you don’t have to forgive him, Katara” Yin said. “You just need to surrender the control he evidently still has on you.  Whatever that takes.”</p><p>“I...don’t know how to do that” Katara admitted.</p><p>"Go back to the beginning" Yin said. "Go back to the place where that pain is the strongest, where those feelings of hate are fixated. Maybe you can't ever forgive this person, but maybe you can let him go. He doesn't deserve to control any more of your heart or your life than he already has."</p><p>Katara stared at their still joined hands. Her skirt was stained with teardrops in her lap and though she felt exhausted from the extreme wave of emotion, she felt lighter. She had needed to share so badly.</p><p>"Maybe" Katara whispered. Go back to that dark place? She didn't know if she had the strength to do that. It sounded repulsive to her. But she couldn't continue like this…</p><p>Later that evening, Katara walked the shoreline of the river and bended in the moonlight. The energy of the full moon filled every fiber of her being, but just like the past three months, it could not lift Katara's spirits. Yin had told her to confront the pain where it hurt the most and be able to let it go.</p><p>Aang had spoken of similar things. He had shown them all how to clear their own chakras of energy in their body. But Katara wasn't Aang, and she had so much trouble completing the exercise. The very idea of immersing herself fully in the memories made her sick to her stomach.</p><p>Yugoda said she couldn't change the past, and that was true. But, oh, how Katara wished she could…</p><p>
  <em> Anayah, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. </em>
</p><p>Her mind drifted back as she counted all the regrets of the past months on her hands…</p><p>~0~0~0~</p><p>"That's great, Anayah! The more you mentally visualize the process, the easier the healing will become."</p><p>Anayah beamed. She had made quick progress over the past five months, and Katara was extremely proud of her. The girls had just...clicked. Anayah was bright, passionate, and a bit obsessive. Katara was shocked at how much the girl threw herself into the training. She was always asking Katara for advanced techniques...to learn more...to <em> do </em> more.</p><p>Anayah always seemed so bright...so...<em> happy. </em>  There didn’t seem to be a bad bone in the girl’s body.  So when red flags started popping up left and right, Katara either ignored them or didn’t see them at all.</p><p>One glaring incident shone out above the others. It was the quarterly ceremony at the bending academy. All students received the opportunity to do a demonstration of everything they had learned that quarter. Anayah’s father stood on the sidelines, cheering loudly as his daughter easily defeated the other students in the duel portion.</p><p>At the banquet, Anayah eagerly introduced Katara to her father. The man had smiled at Katara, but it did not reach his eyes. When he grasped her hand Katara felt a chill go through her as a pit landed in her stomach. His gaze was ice, and he looked her up and down like he was undressing her with his eyes.</p><p>“So you’re the one responsible for turning the northern bending traditions inside out” he said. Katara laughed awkwardly and pulled back her hand as quickly as she could.</p><p>“Yes, and thanks to the changes, your daughter has been able to tap into her abilities. You should be very proud.”</p><p>“I am” he answered. Anayah beamed. It was plain to see that she idolized her father.</p><p>“Where is your mother? I haven’t seen her since the incident earlier this year” Katara asked. A cloud passed over Anayah’s features and she frowned, suddenly becoming indifferent.</p><p>“She didn’t want to come. She doesn’t think I should be learning bending” Anayah replied.</p><p>“You said you were going to introduce me to the rest of the class.” Her father deftly changed the subject.</p><p>Anayah nodded at her father and led him away from Katara to a group of girls of all ages sitting to the side. He greeted them enthusiastically and Katara turned away, eager to get away from the man. She didn’t see the way he stepped closer to the girls, brushed eager, desiring hands familiarly over their shoulders down to their lower backs. </p><p>Katara should have listened to her gut. But she didn’t.</p><p>Anayah was a social butterfly who had the other girls over to her house often. By all counts, there were no significant changes in behavior over the months while Katara was her teacher. There was no reason to worry. None of the girls ever came forward and said anything.</p><p>When Anayah started making small snide comments about Katara’s relationship with Zuko, Katara didn’t regard it.  Many people still resented the Fire Nation and she understood why. She tolerated the remarks, only replying that Zuko was not his father, that he was different.</p><p>When Anayah had a few training incidents in which she injured other students, the full stories did not make their way to Katara. She trusted and loved Anayah. There was no reason to worry. It was because of that bond that Katara made the worst judgement call she had ever made in her life.</p><p>“Anayah, could I ask you something? Why did you want me to teach you and not Yugoda?”</p><p>It was after class and per usual, Katara and Anayah were having some fun before supper. Anayah smiled and that familiar excited glint filled her blue eyes. </p><p>“Because you are different, Katara. When I saw you healing my mother, you did something I never saw anyone do before. That cut was deep. My mother should have bled out before any healer could save her. But you held your hands over the gash and the blood just stopped flowing out.”</p><p>Katara stopped short. In the stressful moment months ago she hadn’t even thought about it. The woman was bleeding out and Katara knew how she could stop it. It had been a full moon and Katara tapped into that energy, not even hesitating to use bloodbending to save the woman’s life.</p><p>“You weren’t healing. There was no glowing water. Yet, you stopped the blood. You saved her life. I realized then that Yugoda couldn’t teach me how to do that. Only you could.”</p><p>“Doesn’t it...disturb you?” Katara asked carefully. Anayah shook her head.</p><p>“Why would it? Think about how many lives we could save if we were able to use that technique! If it was perfected we could do surgeries without worrying about losing our patient. Think about the mothers that we could save during childbirth. The possibilities are endless.” Anayah’s words came out smoothly, quickly, and strangely rehearsed. </p><p>But Katara didn’t notice that. The speech brought such a relief to Katara. Anayah also saw that the power was a conduit of life rather than a bringer of pain. “I don’t know, Anayah. There is so much I don’t know. You’re right...it <em> could </em> help so many people. But I don’t know if I…”</p><p>“You <em> can do it, Katara. </em> Why would you hesitate?” Anayah had asked.</p><p>Katara paused as a slew of memories burst through her mind. <em> Hama. Yon Rha. The Southern Raiders...Aang. </em> </p><p>Earlier last year, right before Aang disappeared, she had finally told Aang about how she used bloodbending during the Southern Raider’s mission. She had just used the technique to save the life of a soldier who had been in a training accident, and Aang had witnessed the event. The conversation had not gone well. They both lost their tempers. He insisted that she never use the ability again, that it was too dangerous to exist in the world. Katara had disagreed.</p><p>So when Anayah cried with Katara and shared in her buried pain, Katara felt understood and validated. To be accepted and not condemned...it was beautiful to Katara. She felt closer than ever to Anayah. </p><p>There was still the smallest voice in the back of her head - warning her. Should she risk teaching others on the chance that Aang was right about bloodbending all along? But this wasn’t a stranger. This was Anayah. She <em> knew </em> Anayah.</p><p>“Please. Teach me. If I know, then we can show others. We could do so much <em> good,” </em>Anayah urged.</p><p>The doubts flowed away on a self-willed stream of ignorance. Aang was wrong and Katara could use Anayah to carry the torch forward. A new era of healing.</p><p>If only Katara could go back in time and change the next few days. What could be different?</p><p>“All right. I’ll teach you. But before I do, I need to tell you a story. It happened to me right before the end of the war…”</p><p>The story of Hama and the Southern Raiders came out, along with the bent up passion and resentment that Katara still carried with her. The story had meant to be a word of warning; bloodbending was dangerous. But Anayah heard it as something else entirely.</p><p>The next full moon came around and Katara passed on the technique to her willing pupil.</p><p>All was well for nearly a month.</p><p>Then Anayah’s father disappeared. He had been on a fishing trip with one other man and their boat never returned. A week later, his body was discovered floating in the bay on an ice floe...covered head to toe in burns…</p><p>Anayah snapped. The pent up rage she carried against the Fire Nation came out in a torrent.  The council of elders had reached out to Fire Lord Zuko and he confirmed that no troops, patrols, or any known Fire Nation citizens had been in the area at the time.</p><p>A search was made that brought up nothing. The second man was never found. He had been a single father with an only daughter who was six years old. The orphaned girl had been a huge fan of waterbending and sat in on all of Anayah’s bending class.</p><p>Katara should have put the pieces together. But she did not.</p><p>The worst night of Katara’s life had happened soon thereafter. When the news broke that the Northern Water Tribe would not be pursuing any military action against the Fire Nation for the incident, Anayah had stormed into Katara’s apartment.</p><p>“You!” Anayah screamed. Katara had been fixing her supper and looked up in surprise as Anayah barged in.</p><p>“Anayah, what’s wrong?” Katara asked. Anayah let out a bitter laugh.</p><p>“What’s wrong? I just got the news. My father is dead and the whole tribe is sucking up to your damn boyfriend. My mother could care less - she even seems relieved! The Fire Nation kills another one and suddenly justice is optional.”</p><p>“Anayah, no one knows for sure what happened,” Katara said, trying to reason with Anayah and calm her down. She motioned to the mats on the floor but Anayah shook her head. She would not sit. This was <em> not </em> a social visit.</p><p>“No one knows what happened? <em> The body had burn marks, Katara. He didn’t get those from a waterbender!” </em> Anayah’s blue eyes flashed. There were no tears. Only pure rage.</p><p>“I know you are in pain, and I know how you feel…” Katara began.</p><p>“Yes, you <em> do </em> know how I feel” Anayah bit back “And though you know <em> exactly </em> how my heart is being split in two, know <em> exactly </em> the amount of <em> unbelievable pain and rage </em> I’m experiencing in this moment, you don’t care. You don’t care, just like the rest of them.”</p><p>“Anayah, of course I c…”</p><p>“No!” Anayah screamed. “You don’t care. You don’t care because you’ve slept with the enemy. <em> Spirits, Katara, </em> you fucked the <em> leader of our enemy! </em>” She composed herself and looked Katara up and down in disgust. </p><p>"Whore," she muttered under her breath.</p><p>“Anayah, how could you even...you know I’ve never…” Katara was not angered; she was hurt.  </p><p>But Anayah wasn’t done. She wasn’t going to let Katara get a word in. Katara sat there - taking it all. The sharp words went in one ear and out the other because, more than anything, Katara <em> did </em>understand. The anger was being directed at her simply because Anayah didn’t know where else to turn.</p><p>“I <em> looked up to you! La, </em> I wanted to <em> be you!” </em> Anayah spat out like she hated herself for ever entertaining such a notion. “If this tribe will do nothing to avenge my father, then I’ll just do it myself. Like you <em> almost did </em>.”</p><p>Katara’s heart stopped. <em> No. </em> She did not want to see Anayah on that path. The cursed circle sprang up to her eyes. The circle she thought she had escaped. <em> From Hama, to Yon Rha, to herself. </em>She thought she successfully stopped the cycle. But here she was, starting it over again.</p><p>“Anayah,” Katara began, reaching forward and grabbing Anayah’s hand. “Please, you’re better than this. I know you are. You know that would be wrong. I told you my story but I didn’t tell you my regrets...And Anayah, I have so many regrets. I know you. You don’t want to…”</p><p><em> "You don't know me! You’re nothing but a traitor, Katara!" </em> Anayah wrenched her hand out of Katara’s grasp and backed towards the door.</p><p><em> "Anayah, please!" </em> Katara begged. Tears started to flow freely down her cheeks, but Anayah’s eyes were dry and blazing. She turned away from Katara.</p><p><em> "You were wrong, Katara. I’m not like you. I’m better. I’m choosing to do the right thing, like you </em> <b> <em>almost</em> </b> <em> did two years ago.” </em></p><p>
  <em> No. </em>
</p><p><em> "That's not what it was...I was wrong, Anayah, I was so wrong” </em>Katara said in a rush. She could not let Anayah leave.</p><p>If she had been focused she would have felt the tingle in her blood. She would have felt the  familiar gut-wrenching feeling that flooded her body the second Anayah took control. But even as the full moon shone overhead outside, Katara did not see it coming. No, she was too torn and shattered on the inside.</p><p>Anayah raised her hand. In the past six months, Katara had shown Anayah every mystery and secret of the human body, and now Anayah turned the key.</p><p>The flow of blood to Katara’s brain stopped for a brief moment, and Katara sank to the floor. Anayah turned and stared at the body of her friend. She focused and made sure Katara’s heart was still beating normally before turning and leaving the apartment.</p><p>When Katara awoke, her head was throbbing. She immediately rushed to find Anayah, just to realize that the city was in an uproar.</p><p>Two guards were found dead at the docks. There wasn’t a scratch on them. It was if their hearts had just...stopped.</p><p>There was a boat missing.</p><p>In the weeks that followed, another search was made that came up empty. Anayah was gone.</p><p>Katara was wracked with a guilt that she could not share. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t eat. After everything she had been through and thought she believed, everything had just turned itself on its head. <em> Aang...Aang was right? Was I completely in the wrong? </em></p><p>Finally, Yugoda suggested that she go home. And Katara had agreed.</p><p>But the idea of facing her loved ones with the reality of what she had done was too much. The one person she felt like she could turn to was already faced with burdens of his own, and Katara was unwilling to add to them.</p><p>And how could she face him like this? How could she face any of them?</p><p>Katara dropped the water back into the river and stared up at the moon. Yin was right. She could not keep drowning in this. She had to go back to where it had all started.</p><p>She had to let it go.</p><p>Mind made up, Katara headed back to the village. She would leave the next morning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Three months ago...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a knock on the door and Toph and Zuko looked up from the stone board. Toph used the opportunity to move her Pai Sho tile while Zuko wasn’t looking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My lord, the Southern Water Tribe ambassador has arrived. He requests an audience with your grace.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko stood up, Pai Sho game momentarily forgotten.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sokka!” Zuko exclaimed. “Send him in!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you know? Snoozles is </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>early for once” Toph remarked. The servants opened the doors wide and Sokka waltzed into the room. He had grown taller and filled out ever since the end of the war. He was dressed in the traditional water tribe colors, but Zuko noted the burgundy colored belt and fire emblem pin tacked onto Sokka’s collar.</span>
</p>
<p><span>“Hold your applause and keep the ladies back! Sokka is </span><em><span>back in town </span></em><span>and my heart belongs to my one and only.</span> <span>Your salvation is nigh at hand, and your lover has returned!</span><em><span>” </span></em><span>Sokka announced in the usual dramatic fashion.  Toph snorted and Zuko turned a little pink. Sokka scanned the room and was surprised to not see Suki.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, where’s Suki?” Sokka asked, immediately downcast. Toph laughed and Zuko just shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The man had only been gone a month, but one would think he had been separated from Suki for years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We didn’t know you were coming early,” Zuko said as he walked over to his best friend. “She’s currently leading a security meeting for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s on the agenda?” Sokka asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re still on operation make-sure-Zuko-doesn’t-die” Toph told Sokka.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sokka turned to Zuko and raised an eyebrow. “Haven’t we been on that same one for like…the past three years?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but this time we’re protecting him from himself. Zuko is a workaholic” Toph elaborated. “Ever since this thing in the North, he hasn’t come out of his office. He’s been like a hibernating badger-mole. It’s sad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sokka threw his arms around Zuko’s shoulders and gave a strong squeeze. Zuko winced. “Hotman, that’s why your uncle gave you a Prime Minister.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hotman is Aang’s word,” Zuko pointed out, brushing aside the comment about the Prime Minister. Sokka smiled sadly and pulled back. Aang was a sensitive topic for everyone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well someone has got to fill the shoes while our little idiot is missing,” Toph said ruefully.  The second Sokka let go of Zuko Toph walked up and punched him hard in the arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch!” Sokka yelped “Every time, Toph.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her punches hurt more as she grew older. Toph had grown taller, just like he had. At 14 years old, Toph was beginning to look less and less like the rebellious kid that had rampaged around the world, and more grown up, despite her best efforts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sported red pants and a burgundy long sleeved robe tied with a belt at her waist.  Her hair was tied back into a high ponytail instead of her usual bun, but her bangs still hung loosely over her eyes. Sokka’s arm throbbed but he didn’t expect anything less. He put an arm around Toph’s shoulder and squeezed her to his side. Toph allowed the rare show of affection that she reserved only for her closest friends and family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t supposed to be here for another week” Toph exclaimed. “Why the sudden change?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, after the incident in the North, Dad thought it best if I get over here as quick as I could. With Katara handling things up there, we figured another Water Tribe representative in the Fire Nation could only help things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko nodded. The past couple weeks had been a pure unadulterated headache for him. He had been staying up nights and not eating, while his study became his permanent habitat. Toph had enough of his behavior and had just convinced him to take a tea and Pai Sho break (exactly what Uncle would have proposed had he been there) while Suki took over a meeting for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Kyoshi Warrior was currently serving as Zuko’s personal bodyguard and advisor. She was a great friend to the Earth King and though she didn’t hold an official position on the National Ambassador Council, she had been a fantastic mediator between the two countries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I received a letter from Katara just a week ago. She said that tensions are high, but she doesn’t anticipate any severe retaliation from the Northern council. Chief Arnook wants to stay away from conflict just as much as I do” Zuko said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew Katara would make a good ambassador. Would you get her to sign to the NAC already, Zuko? She doesn’t listen to me.  She might do it if you ask her” Sokka suggested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko grinned. He knew Sokka was right. Katara would make a fantastic ambassador, but for once, he was pretty sure she would still deny him. For the first time in her life she was chasing her own dreams and desires. It was exactly what he wanted for her, even though he missed her greatly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe one day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Fire Lord, but that doesn’t mean I can have my way all the time,” Zuko remarked. Sokka rolled his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Says who?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Says his royal goody two-shoes” Toph quipped. “Doesn’t he know that people in government are </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be corrupt? Sparky here never got the memo.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s doing enough to help as it is, even without being an official ambassador” Zuko said, returning to his seat at the Pai Sho table.  “And besides, do you really think I could change Katara’s mind on anything?” Toph followed his example and Sokka settled down on the floor next to them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I think you can. I think you’re the only one who can,” Sokka replied. Zuko narrowed his eyes at the Pai Sho tiles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This board looks different, Toph. What did you move?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a thing. Promise. I’m not lying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need to be an earthbender to know that’s not true.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The three made small talk until there was another knock on the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lady Suki, my lord,” the servant announced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Psst, don’t let her know I’m here!” Sokka hissed. He jumped up from the floor and threw himself behind a large plant in the corner. Zuko rolled his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come in,” he called. The door opened and Suki walked in looking quite perturbed. Her arms were full of scrolls, and the second the door closed behind her Suki dropped them unceremoniously on the floor and sat down next to Toph in a huff.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I</span>
  <em>
    <span> hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>this part of the job,” she said passionately. “How do you deal with those pricks all the time?” she asked Zuko. Zuko shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, I live with Toph. I’ve got tough skin” Zuko replied. Toph grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I live with Toph too! How come she isn’t having the same effect on me?” Suki asked. “Next time have the Prime Minister handle that bunch. He’s less likely to break something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Give yourself more credit, Suki,” Zuko commented. “You handle it much better than you think, and besides, I trust you to make decisions that will benefit everyone, not just the nobility and the military. Minister Yurii, not so much.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suki decided not to argue as she leaned back and rested her head on the floor, mentally exhausted. Her eyes were closed and Sokka used the opportunity to slip out from behind the plant and tip toe his way over to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suki’s head was on the floor and she heard the soft footsteps and the muffled sound of quick breathing behind her.  Her reflexes were insanely quick, and she didn’t stop to consider why Zuko and Toph hadn’t pointed out the stranger in the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She snapped her eyes open and shot her arms up, grabbing the legs of the mystery guest and propelling them flat on their back with one quick motion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch!” Sokka yelped when his head hit the floor. “I haven’t been back in the Fire Nation for an hour and I’m already full of bruises!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sokka!” Suki cried out. Sokka sat up and Suki leapt into her boyfriend’s arm. The pain was momentarily forgotten as Sokka clasped his beloved in his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s good to have you back,” Suki laughed as she buried her head in his shoulder. Sokka chuckled and squeezed her close. “You weren’t supposed to be here for another week!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Plans changed,” Sokka said “I thought I would surprise you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suki pulled her head back and smiled brightly at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Consider me surprised,” she said softly. Zuko turned his head away as soon as the kissing started. He opened one eye to look at Toph and saw she had both feet raised up in the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, how much time should we give them before we break it up?” Toph whispered. Zuko grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A couple hours at least.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few minutes later the four sat down in a circle. Suki was inched as close as she could to Sokka without sitting in his lap. Their hands were clasped tightly together. She studied his chiseled features that had grown more pronounced over the past year.  The future was ever changing and the two lovebirds never knew when Suki would be called to the Earth Kingdom or Sokka back to the Southern Water Tribe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suki didn’t know how they repeatedly had been able to let each other go. He was back now and that was all that mattered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But right now there was business to attend to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yugoda sent a letter to you with an update on Azula,” Suki began, pulling the letter out of the pile of scrolls on the floor. “I received today’s correspondence right before the meeting. Sorry I couldn’t get it to you until now.” She handed the sealed roll to Zuko and he took it gratefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was always so much anxiety balled up in his chest when Yugoda sent him updates about Azula. Sometimes it was good news, and he reclaimed the hope that she was finally getting better…But more often than not it was bad news as Azula frequently seemed to lose all the progress she had built up over the past few years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least she was safe and cared for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko broke the seal and opened the letter. The first paragraph was an update on Azula’s condition. Thankfully, she seemed better than she had in the last update. No house fires this time around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was an official report from Chief Arnook’s office that was full of details about the suspicious deaths that had rocked the Water Tribe-Fire Nation relations. Apparently, the daughter of one of the victims was Katara’s personal student…and she had stolen a boat and disappeared, also under suspicious circumstances. The young girl had even murdered two guards during her getaway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko’s brow furrowed into lines. He knew how involved and passionate Katara was about her student. She had written to him about Anayah. The girls had become fast friends. Katara had to be taking this hard. Hopefully, she wasn’t blaming herself, but Zuko knew her too well. She was probably doing just that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko put down the report and glanced down to read the rest of the letter. He was about to share its contents with the others when the final paragraph turned his blood to ice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I have included the official report on the incident, though I’m sure Katara has already filled you in. I am so glad she decided to stop and see her friends in the Fire Nation on her way home to the South. This letter should reach you right after her. She left the North Pole a week ago and I expect a message from her as soon as she gets home. Please let me know how she is. I worry for her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh…Buddy, you ok? All the blood just drained from your face. You’re even more pale than usual.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zuko looked up at Sokka and handed him the letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It's Katara. This letter is dated a week ago. Katara left the North Pole two weeks ago. She was coming here… She never got here” Zuko stammered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, what?” Sokka asked as he glanced over Yugoda’s letter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have got to be kidding me,” Toph said “First Aang and now Katara?  Don’t tell me Uncle is the only one who knows where she is. I’m gonna scream.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sokka looked up and handed the letter to Suki.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That is so unlike her. Why would she just disappear like that?” Sokka asked, the worry clearly embedded in his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Read this,” Zuko said, handing Sokka the report. “The incident in the North. It’s personal to her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is insane,” Suki murmured to herself. Toph scowled. All she could hear was the crinkling of paper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So…what happened? What am I missing?” Toph asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fire sticks, that’s horrible” Sokka said, looking up from the report.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I’m afraid she’s blaming herself” Zuko said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds exactly like Katara” Suki said. She loved her friend, but Katara had an inability to let things go some time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What </span>
  </em>
  <span>sounds exactly like Katara?” Toph huffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think she went looking for the girl by herself?” Sokka asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What girl?” Toph asked. Zuko shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Maybe. If she feels responsible for the girl’s actions, then I know she would try to fix it” Zuko replied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>please tell me what’s going on!!!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Toph shouted. The others stopped and turned to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry, Toph” Suki apologized. She picked up the report and read the whole thing aloud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys don’t know how to handle anything without crazy theatrics” Toph grumbled as she pointed a finger at Zuko. “You and your destructive worth ethic, Sugar Queen and her insufferable fix-it attitude, and then </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aang</span>
  </em>
  <span> with his…his… arrogant, </span>
  <em>
    <span>selfish</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>dramatic, </span>
  </em>
  <span>journey of self-discovery. Did you know he didn’t even say </span>
  <em>
    <span>goodbye </span>
  </em>
  <span>when he flew off? Not even a stupid letter? Probably because he knew I’d pound some sense into his head!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sokka blinked in surprise as Toph clamped her mouth shut after the unexpected outburst. He cut his eyes over to Zuko who just shook his head and raised a finger to his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Toph had taken Aang’s disappearance the hardest. Her harsh words about her Twinkletoes were coming from a place of pain and hurt, and Zuko knew Toph would regret saying everything a little later. Though she was ever close with Uncle, there had been a small rift created in the relationship ever since Aang left. Iroh knew where Aang was, and his lips were sealed about the Avatar and any details surrounding his disappearance. Aang’s request.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though she didn’t vocalize it, Zuko knew Toph was worried sick and resented the fact that Aang had told Iroh…and not her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone copes with things differently, Toph” Suki said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know” Toph snapped back. She stood up.  “Let’s finish the game later, Zuko. I think I need some air.” She left the room. The door slammed shut behind her and echoed throughout the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Later that evening, Zuko was standing alone on the balcony attached to the palace ballroom. His mind was swirling with possibilities and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Katara could take care of herself physically, he knew that, but he worried for her spirit. For her mind. He had seen her spiral before immediately after the war. He had no desire to watch that again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He started forming a plan in his mind. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Suki and Sokka standing together in the doorway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, we were looking for you,” Suki said softly. Zuko merely nodded and turned back to the railing. The sun was setting. Was Katara watching the same sun?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to tell Dad about this” Sokka began, moving to stand next to his best friend. “If Katara just needs some time alone then she deserves to have it. I just want to make sure she’s ok. I know you think she’s looking for that girl in the North…but my gut tells me she’s not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?” Zuko asked. It was the most plausible explanation. Sokka shrugged and tapped the side of his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My genius brotherly instincts” Sokka replied. Suki shook her head and smiled. They could make fun of Sokka and his instincts all day long, but when it came down to it, the man was rarely wrong. If he had a gut feeling about something he was usually right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can your instincts tell me where she is then?” Zuko asked. Sokka gave a small smile and grasped Zuko’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, but I can help you rule out where she’s not” Sokka replied with a sidelong glance at the Fire Lord. “I know that look. You’ve got a plan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re usually the one with the plan,” Zuko said. “But you’re right, I do. I want to rule out the North and the unrest between the nations is the perfect excuse for me to take a diplomatic trip up to the tribe. I can arrange it with Chief Arnook within a week and be on my way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I can come with you and make sure everything goes smoothly. Chief Arnook </span>
  <em>
    <span>loves</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. With me charming him and the elders the whole time, you won’t have a problem in the world!” Sokka declared proudly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Actually, if I’m going to leave, I need you and Suki to stay in the Fire Nation” Zuko said. “I can trust you guys and Toph to work with Prime Minister Yurii to keep everything in order while I’m gone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t really know him that well,” Sokka remarked “Isn’t he the one that proposed you move South in the first place?” Zuko nodded. The older man had been a general first and Iroh had promoted him during his tenure as regent. Zuko’s relationship with the Prime Minister was...strained. They had a difference of opinion more often than not and spent most of their time together butting heads.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Yurii had influence over the army regiment and could command the respect and attention of the room. Zuko didn’t like the man, but he trusted Uncle’s judgment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He is, and Uncle likes him. That’s all you need to know to trust him” Zuko replied.  Sokka nodded in understanding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can count on us, buddy. I’ll put my lessons with Master Piandao on hold. Suki, you better keep my skills sharp until I can go back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can do all the sparring you want,” Suki said as she walked over to Zuko’s other side. She put a hand on his shoulder in support.  “Would you like me to have Admiral Jee prepare a convoy?” Zuko shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Nothing fancy. I want a small, single ship. I want to get there as quickly as I can once I get Chief Arnook’s permission. Although, if he isn’t otherwise occupied, I would love to have Admiral Jee on the mission” Zuko replied. Suki nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When do you want to leave?” she asked. Zuko turned back to the horizon. Katara was out there. Somewhere. Alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As soon as I can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~0~0~0~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leaving the river village hadn’t been easy. Yin had cried and Okoso had tried to convince her to stay until the village could throw her a party and give her a proper goodbye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but my family is probably already worried about me. I’ve been gone for three months now, and if I have any hope of finding peace and going home, then I need to do this. I need to do this now,” Katara said sadly. Yin nodded in understanding and took Katara’s hands into her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dear, please know that you will always have a place here with us. All you have to do is come and we will have a mat ready and our arms open,” Yin said through her tears. Though they could not know her well, Katara knew these people and the village loved her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she loved them too. A great portion of her heart swelled with the need to visit every village in the Fire Nation and find the soul of a nation now seeking peace and forgiveness. A journey she shared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She would have never thought it, but she could draw many parallels between the Fire Nation and herself at this point. She knew she realistically couldn’t heal the world on her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But La, she wanted to!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few hours later, Katara was on the next ship heading towards the mainland. One of its stops?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sha City. Just a few miles away from Ryna Village.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yon Rha’s village.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The familiar chilling wind cut across Zuko’s jaw as the ship neared port at the Northern Water Tribe. It had taken a week to arrange the journey and another week to travel all the way to the North. If his calculations were right, that meant Katara had been missing for a whole month already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The royal crown rested in his topknot, but Zuko had already changed out of his red robes and armor and opted for the thick blue parka that Hakoda had given him when he had lived at the Southern Water Tribe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wished he could pull off the crown and tie his hair back into a wolftail. He wished Sokka was by his side so they go skiing together and forget about all their responsibilities.  He wished he knew exactly where Katara was so he could go to her and bring her home with him. But dreams and reality rarely merged together and Zuko’s heart was heavy with the fear of the unknown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the ship docked, there was a crowd waiting. Zuko recognized Chief Arnook standing at the front of the welcoming entourage. The gangplank lowered and Zuko walked down the ramp, followed closely by Admiral Jee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chief Arnook looked slightly apprehensive as the Fire Lord approached him. He was surprised to see the young man wearing the Southern Water Tribe colors. He silently reminded himself that Zuko was an ally and a close friend of Chief Hakoda and Ambassador Sokka. There was nothing to fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko did a traditional Fire Nation katow before reaching forward and grasping Chief Arnook’s arm in a Water Tribe greeting. The tension washed from the older man’s face as the two leaders of different cultures and generations locked eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fire Lord Zuko, it is an honor,” Chief Arnook began. Zuko bit back a smile. If only Sokka was here. Sokka would not have let the opportunity for a good joke pass him by.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The honor is mine. Thank you for allowing me to come on such short notice like this” Zuko said. Arnook nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In truth, I was surprised to get your message. I mean no disrespect, but I did not expect the Fire Lord himself to concern himself with such a tiny incident in another nation,” Arnook said carefully. He was genuinely curious to learn more about Zuko and his character. He had his own suspicions about Zuko’s intentions as Fire Lord, but his first impression of the young man was becoming very positive indeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko clearly knew Water Tribe traditions and etiquette. Maybe the Southern Water Tribe was not so savage after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The national peace is still relatively new and fragile” Zuko responded “Any incidents like these, however small, require immediate attention and communication between our two governments, less they grow into a larger issue later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chief Arnook nodded in agreement. The boy was wise, or at least had wise advisors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree, though I assure you, myself and the council of elders here do not hold the Fire Nation responsible. It is still very unclear as to what happened. The man could have been burned by an accident with his blasting jelly for all we know. We haven’t recovered either of the missing ships.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regardless,” Zuko said as the group started moving from the docks towards the royal palace. “We need to construct a method to deal with situations like these going forward. If we set a good precedent it will make the path ahead easier for all of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arnook nodded. “I agree. I appreciate your dedication to the peace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I appreciate your tribe looking after my sister,” Zuko said. Arnook smiled sadly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I knew there must be another reason for your visit. Two birds with one stone” Arnook said. Zuko nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Or three birds.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I would like to assist in the search for the missing waterbender,” Zuko said “If anything, I want to show the world that we had nothing to do with the initial incident and have nothing to hide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Fire Lord Zuko.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a banquet that evening, but Zuko couldn’t wait for it to finish. The second he had some privacy he was going to head straight to Yugoda’s house. He had a lot of questions and he wanted to begin his search for Katara immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bending demonstration concluded at the end of the meal, and the elders and officers stood at attention. Zuko shuffled his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for the banquet to officially end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chief Arnook stood at the front of the room as the waterbenders pulled their water back into the barrels.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for coming tonight as we welcome our friend and ally, Fire Lord Zuko. He has voiced his interest in assisting us in the search for the missing waterbender girl and any firebender that might also be in the area. Please do not fear the presence of him or his officers. This world is at peace, and despite the chaos in the past few months, we would be wise to remember that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The elders and officers nodded along as Arnook spoke, and Zuko breathed out a sigh of relief. Three years ago it had felt like the whole world was against him and the peace that had started to sprout.  He feared the fledgling plant would be trampled out before it got a chance to truly take root.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Uncle had never lost faith in that future, and now it was coming to pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just needed to clear his nation’s name and find Katara. Easy, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The future is bright and in good hands, as far as I can see. Fire Lord Zuko, thank you for your words and your presence here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nodded. He didn’t know it, but the fact that he wore a simple Water Tribe parka and had eaten every drop of the food before him bode well in his favor. The tribal elders noticed every little detail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keeping with the idea of our youth going forward in peace, I would like to present my nephew, Prince Navtu, to the Fire Nation royalty as my heir and future leader of our tribe,” Arnook replied. A young boy stood from the tables and turned towards Zuko. He didn’t look older than ten. There was a sad hint in the air as Navtu bowed his head briefly towards Zuko.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were all remembering the deceased princess who had passed away during the war. The princess who now watched over them every night. Zuko thought once again of Sokka.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was well past midnight when Zuko was shown to the royal guest room. His crew had opted to remain on the ship in the harbor and Admiral Jee was the only other one to stay in the palace. Zuko paced back and forth, wondering if he should just wait until morning to go see Yugoda, but he quickly decided he couldn’t wait any longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wouldn’t get any sleep knowing that Katara was possibly alone in the unforgiving tundra out there. Zuko slipped out of the palace and ignited a flame in his palm. It took him a bit to navigate the dark streets of the capital city, but he was able to locate Yugoda’s home without too much difficulty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three years of receiving letters from the same address. He walked there like he had been there a dozen times already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He raised his hand to knock on the door, but it opened before his knuckles could touch the wood. Yugoda stood before him holding a lantern up. The light danced across his pale features and the notable red scar on his face. His eyes were fire themselves as he looked at the older woman in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Fire Lord. Welcome. I’ve been waiting up for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you know I was coming?” Zuko asked. Yugoda opened the door and he stepped into the modest house. The architecture in the main city was quite different from the Southern Water Tribe. Though there were archways and rounded towers aplenty, most of the houses and apartments in the main city were very square.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you and Lady Katara are more alike than you realize” Yugoda replied as she closed the door behind him. “She takes responsibility for things out of her control and tries to fix everything herself. Based on what she’s told me about you, or even from your letters alone, I believe you share these tendencies. As soon as I heard you had arrived I knew you would find your way to me as soon as you could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Have you been corresponding with my Uncle Iroh as well by any chance?” Zuko asked. Yugoda smiled and there was a mischievous twinkle in her eye but she did not reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did your visit with Lady Katara go?” Yugoda asked, wanting to start the conversation on a bright note. Katara had talked highly and often of the young Fire Lord. It always made the old woman smile to herself as the young war hero expressed her love and admiration for the young man that now stood before her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda didn’t know much about how arranged marriages worked in the Fire Nation, but she was surprised that a treaty had not been established through an engagement between the two benders. Katara was technically the princess of the Southern Water Tribe. The match made good sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katara never arrived in the Fire Nation,” Zuko said bluntly. “Which is the main reason why I’ve come. I want to find her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda stopped short as her eyes widened. She was not expecting that bit of information.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But she left. I saw her off on the ship myself” Yugoda said. She sat down on a fur draped chair and motioned for Zuko to do the same. He settled down across from her, his lips drawn in a tight line. The furnishings in the room were simple, and it relaxed him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he looked around the room his gaze fell on the circled fur rug in the center of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was designed in a white lotus. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So this is how Uncle had a contact in the Northern Water Tribe. I should have known. </span>
  </em>
  <span> Zuko made the observation and tucked it back in his memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This ship, who was the captain?” Zuko asked. First things first, he had to trace every lead. Just because Yugoda saw Katara leave on the ship doesn’t mean she stayed on board for long.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You crazy beautiful thing. What did you do?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. You’ll have to check with records down at the harbor,” Yugoda answered. “But she got on that ship. It was headed directly to the Fire Nation and then to the Earth Kingdom. She was going to see everyone at the capital for a few days before heading back to the South. She promised she would send me a message when she got home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pit landed in Zuko’s stomach. This was so unlike Katara.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m guessing you haven’t received a letter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I wouldn’t think the letter would get to me quite yet. I was expecting to hear from her within the week. Communication can be a little slow sometimes. We’ve been writing to each other for the past few years. You know how it can be,” Yugoda replied. Zuko nodded. Sometimes it took a week to get a message. Sometimes it took a month. It was hard to tell. Messenger hawks couldn’t fly this far north. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll need to get in contact with the captain of that ship” Zuko said, forming his plan of action in his head. “In the meantime, I’ve promised to help with the search for the missing waterbender. On the off chance that it was a firebender who killed her father; I want to get to the bottom of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda nodded. The situation was clouded in darkness. She had suspicions, but no solid backing to support any of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The girl’s name was Anayah. I’m sure Katara told you about her” Yugoda said. Zuko nodded. He had been so glad that Katara had made a friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always had my concerns about the girl, but nothing but a gut feeling to back it up. Some things about her and her father always concerned me. They are heavy accusations, and I fear it is not my place to raise those concerns” Yugoda said carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you are comfortable with sharing then I give you my word that what you say will not leave this room,” Zuko promised. That seemed to be enough for Yugoda. The thought was a burden that she was desperate to get off her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anayah was a good girl. Hard working. Talented. She and her mother frequented the city so Anayah could learn at the academy once it was opened up to females. I didn’t notice a change until the father returned from war. Like many soldiers, he struggled with his experiences in the war. I’m sure you know about some of that. It is a very normal thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nodded in agreement. He himself struggled with PTSD, but his uncle and Hakoda had been instrumental in helping him through it. He couldn’t imagine where he would be without his two father figures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The man was resistant to any treatment. While others from his regiment participated in programs and support groups, he became a bit of a recluse. It was around that time that I noted the change in Anayah and her mother. Her mother stopped coming to the city altogether, and even now, I haven’t seen the woman since she came in for healing some time ago. They said it was a clan squabble but the injuries weren’t consistent with that story...” Here, Yugoda stopped. She looked very troubled and her brow furrowed into lines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one else came to the healing huts. Just the mother. I should have talked to Katara about it, but Anayah’s mother stuck to her story and there was nothing more I could do.” Regret was etched all over Yugoda’s face. Zuko was well acquainted with the sentiment and he felt Yugoda’s pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anayah’s father started coming around the bending academy more and more after that. Anayah adored him, it was plain to see, and she was only too happy to have him around. What concerned me was the man’s...behavior.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was he doing?” Zuko asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He...stayed close to Anayah and her friends. I saw him hug many of the girls on several occasions, and he was always so...familiar with all of them. The girls would have sleepovers, but all of them seemed bright and happy and not uncomfortable. No one said anything...so I left it alone,” Yugoda said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you think this has to do with his disappearance?” Zuko asked. He didn’t like where he thought Yugoda was going. The subject was hitting a bit too close to home for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The man that Anayah’s father was with on that fishing trip was the father of one of Anayah’s younger friends. His body was never recovered and their boat is still missing, as you know. I don’t think there was a firebender involved at all. I think someone needed to be silenced...and it just went wrong,” Yugoda finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A chill went through Zuko. There was definitely more to this story than met the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for sharing that with me, Yugoda. I will not tell a soul. Has anyone talked to the other girl?” Zuko asked. Yugoda nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is an orphan now and has been taken in by the tribal system who cares for children left alone after the war. So far, she refuses to speak, so I’ve heard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old is she?” Zuko asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yugoda met his gaze and Zuko saw small pools of tears gather at the corner of the old woman’s eyes. They seeped into her wrinkles and subtly coursed down the woman’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Six” Yugoda replied. “She is only Six.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun was breaching over the horizon when Zuko finally returned to his room. The somber conversation had shifted over to Azula’s condition and the discussion had lasted until the early morning hours. He would only have a few hours of sleep before meeting with the tribe elders to start a new search party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be a long couple weeks, but he wasn’t going to give up. Not until Katara found her way back home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~0~0~0~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Storm clouds were gathering overhead when Katara disembarked from the ship at Sha City.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, no, no. It couldn’t rain. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The atmosphere was too painfully similar to that dark day nearly three years ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The village was just a few miles away and Katara bounced back and forth the idea of walking or getting a ride. Her luggage had grown in the past months and she didn’t exactly feel like carrying the heavy pack with her over the rocky roads of the island.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting a ride it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She managed to get the attention of a farmer driving a cart of produce. He was kind enough to let her jump on the back of the cart. Katara handed him some silver pieces and settled down for the bumpy ride, praying that it wouldn’t rain on the way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t want to out herself as a waterbender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An hour later, the farmer pulled into the tiny village square and Katara got off. The town hadn’t changed much at all. Katara walked up to the nearest stall and set her bag down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello ma’am, what can I help you with today?” the shopkeeper asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, I’m looking for someone. Do you know if a man named Yon Rha still lives here?” Katara asked. The name was acid on her tongue. The shopkeeper looked deep in thought for a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t say I know him. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara nodded in thanks. She asked a few more people if they knew the name but they all shook their heads.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one by that name has ever lived around here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve only been here for the past two years. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had nothing else to do but head down the path to the houses.  It was like walking through one of her bad dreams. Thunder rumbled overhead and Katara quaked inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What was she doing?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>What did she hope to gain by seeing him again? How could looking into those cold empty eyes again fix anything in her heart? Yin said she needed to return to the place where the pain hurt the worse and let it go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fifteen year old Katara couldn’t do that three years ago. How could she, even though she was nearly eighteen now, suddenly gain the ability?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even now, the hate that filled Katara at the sound of the man’s name rose up into her chest. The rain started to come down just as Katara reached the spot where she had come face to face with the man before. Bile climbed up her throat and Katara suddenly felt sick to her stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This was a bad idea.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>An invisible force pulled her forward and she focused on just putting one foot in front of the other. She spotted the roof of the little house and she stopped just in view of the garden gate in the front yard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was bending the rain water around her body, keeping herself dry, and she stood there for some time, just staring at the white garden gate. Water flowed down the ruts in the path, making tiny little rivers that sang down the hill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The faint sound of laughter and splashing reached Katara’s ears and she reflexively took a step back as panic filled her heart. The garden gate swung open and a tiny boy with dark black hair came charging out of the fence. His feet slipped and he went sliding into the mud face first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara’s reflexes took over and she started towards the child immediately, not caring who he was or who he could be related to. The boy laughed and sat up, evidently not hurt, got to his feet, and jumped into the nearest puddle. Katara stopped in her tracks and looked into the front yard of the small cottage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A spring garden bloomed with flowers while neat rows of vegetables were lined up on the sides. The little boy looked over nervously at the front door of the house before running away down the path as quick as his little feet could carry him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still raining hard and the boy slipped again. This time the fall looked like it hurt. Katara reached the boy just as he sat up with a groan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took one look at the strange woman standing above him who was bending the flow of water from the sky away so not a single drop touched her clothes, and his brown eyes widened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shiny blue eyes stared back at him and his mouth dropped to form a little ‘o’ of surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a waterbender!” the boy exclaimed. Katara nodded and offered him a hand. He took it and stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hurt anywhere?” Katara asked. The boy shook his head while a tiny stream of red trickled down from a small gash in his knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” he proclaimed proudly. Katara shook her head. She stopped bending the rain water away from her and knelt down to heal the offending cut. The boy didn’t protest as she surrounded his knee in glowing water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she pulled away, the knee looked as good as new.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woooowww,” the boy said in a hushed voice. He looked at Katara with new interest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you running from?” Katara asked. She was still kneeling in the muddy path while the rain started to soak through her clothes, but for the moment, she didn’t care. This distraction was keeping her from giving to her earlier panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mommy,” the boy said. “She said I couldn’t go see daddy today because it was raining.” He lowered his voice and cupped a hand around his mouth. Katara leaned her ear forward. “But I’m sneaking out anyway,” the boy whispered. “Dad and I were working on a project and I’m afraid the rain ruined it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oooh, that is quite the mission” Katara said, playing along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked back at the little cottage farther up the hill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You live there?” Katara asked. The boy nodded vigorously. “Who...who do you live with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just my mommy and sometimes my uncle” the boy replied. Katara nodded. She didn’t want to make assumptions, but she studied the boy a bit closer. She could not find any traits that would logically relate the boy to Yon Rha. Not in a physical appearance, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to come see my project?” the boy asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers?” Katara asked. He nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but we’re not strangers. You just fixed my leg with magic!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara hesitated. She wanted to get out of sight of the little cottage faster than anything in the world. She didn’t know what she would do or say if she spotted Yon Rha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy started down the path with a clear destination in mind. The rain didn’t seem to bother him and he jumped from puddle to puddle as he made his way farther down the road. Katara hesitated for just another minute before running to catch up to the boy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where is your daddy?” she asked conversationally when she caught up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um he’s just over the hill,” the boy replied. “We’re almost there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you lived in this village for long?” Katara asked. The boy shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. We moved in a little over a year ago. We used to live in Sha City, but we had to move over here because mommy said our house was too big and we didn’t need it anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take a genius to read between the lines on that one. Hardship struck anyone at any time. Especially during war times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t like it at first. Our new cottage was leaky and dark and smelled like old lady” the boy elaborated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait. The cottage was empty?” Katara asked, wanting to clarify. The boy nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know what happened to the people that lived there last?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, and I asked around town. Everyone said the house had been empty for a while” the boy said. He stopped. “Why? Did you know them? Did you come all this way to visit them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not exactly” Katara responded. The boy shrugged and continued up the path. The two crossed over the top of the hill and the boy pointed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re here. My dad is over there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara’s heart dropped and a lump lodged firmly in her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were standing in front of a cemetery.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I originally wrote a scene between Zuko and Azula, but had to cut it out. This story is Katara's and anything that did not contribute directly to her journey was eliminated. Sorry.  I was pretty nervous to post this story, even had several people read it before posting to make sure I was handling certain topics right. Please let me know your thoughts below.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first week of searching turned up nothing. Zuko had just returned back to his guest room at the chieftain's palace and he slumped against the fur-covered bed. This was exhausting. They hadn’t seen any sign of either missing ship, and certainly no sign of Katara. Zuko didn’t let on that he was looking for her too, but every day that passed and no correspondence from Katara reached Yugoda, Zuko grew more and more worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hoped that maybe she had just changed her mind about stopping in the Fire Nation and continued to the South Pole, but that didn’t seem like a likely scenario. She would’ve crossed paths with Sokka on her way back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a patter of feet in the hallway and a second later someone rapped on the door. The servant’s voice was muffled by the thick wood of the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My lord, I have a message from Lady Yugoda. She requests an audience with you as soon as…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko pulled the door open. The servant looked startled and straightened up immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the assembly hall” the servant replied. Zuko brushed by the young man and headed through the palace halls at a brisk pace. Hopefully this was good news.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He burst through the doors and spotted Yugoda waiting at the large table in the center of the room. Yugoda stood up. Zuko instantly spotted the small parchment in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katara’s letter?” Zuko asked hopefully. Yugoda nodded and wordlessly held it out to him. Zuko took it and glanced over the three lines of writing. It was definitely Katara’s handwriting. Back in the South he had helped her improve her penmanship, but had never been able to stop her from doing elaborate little squiggles at the top of her o’s and the bottom of her capital L’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the fact that Katara definitely wrote this letter did not change what it said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about that,” Zuko said, looking up from the paper. “She lied. Just like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wouldn’t have done so if she didn’t have a good reason,” Yugoda said. Zuko nodded. He knew it was true, but he felt ridiculously helpless and frustrated.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This must be how Toph felt when Aang disappeared.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know where the letter was sent from?” Zuko asked hopefully. Yugoda shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t say exactly, but the letter arrived along with the most recent delivery from the Fire Nation. Wherever she is, it’s south of there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So definitely not here,” Zuko said. He relaxed. Knowing Katara wasn’t out in the unforgiving northern tundra was a comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you going to do?” Yugoda asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right now?” Zuko asked. “I can dedicate one more week of my time to the search for Anayah. After that I have to return to the Fire Nation. What am I going to do about Katara? I don’t know. Maybe nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing?” Yugoda asked. It was not the response she was expecting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katara is a grown, capable woman, and as much as I worry about her, I can’t stop her if she wants to be alone right now. Based on this letter, I’m guessing she’s somewhere safe. All I can do is hope she finds her way back home. I trust her, Yugoda.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Yugoda asked. Zuko shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think so...unless…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless you think it would be ok if I saw my sister,” Zuko said. Yugoda paused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...don’t think that’s a good idea, Zuko,” Yugoda said softly. Zuko hung his head. He was afraid of that answer. The road to reuniting with Azula was going to be longer than he ever thought possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Zuko returned to his room he struggled with feeling betrayed. If Katara had felt so torn up and lost why hadn’t she come to see him? They confided in each other and had been the other’s support for years now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The fact that she did not come to him in her hour of need hurt Zuko deeply.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So this is exactly what Toph feels like.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He had encouraged her to find her own path, and he couldn’t fault her now if she was doing just that...but as he lay down to get some rest, he couldn’t help but feel conflicted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The final week of searching for Anayah or the missing ships finally yielded some results.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a single cliffside near the border between the Northern Air temple and the Northern Water Tribe that was infamous for its choppy waters and unforgiving rocks that had torn many a ship to bits. The stone stood hundreds of feet in the air and was a quarter mile all the way around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were faces of ancient air monks carved into the side of the cliff, but time and weather had worn away the details and faces of the long dead race of peaceful benders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There, beating against the sides of the sharp edges of rock, was Anayah’s ship. Pieces of it were floating in the water and the hull was stuck on a rock that hung ten feet into the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It looked as if Anayah had lost control in the choppy waters during high tide and her tiny craft was at the mercy of the waves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire rock was searched all the way around, but there were no signs of life or even a body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anayah was lost to the sea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The search party returned to the city with heavy hearts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you do when someone dies like this?” Zuko asked Arnook as they got off the ships once they were back in the harbor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Once the death is confirmed, we take something of the deceased, preferably clothes or something personal, and we submerge it in the spirit oasis. That way their spirit can be at peace and they may enter the spirit world through Tui and La,” Arnook replied. "Even though we cannot lay their body to rest."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was still a child,” Zuko said in a tight voice. Arnook nodded in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, she was. A hurt, scarred, confused child.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be inappropriate if I accompanied the family to the ceremony?” Zuko asked. “If it was a firebender that started this then I would like to pay my respects, if the family allows it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arnook frowned. He didn’t know how the elders would feel about that. The last time a firebender had been at the spirit oasis things had not gone well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will see,” he responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To both Arnook and Zuko’s surprise, the council of elders agreed to Zuko being present.  The funeral party consisted of Anayah’s mother, Chief Arnook, a Water Sage, Zuko, and the young six year old girl who lost her father. Every time one of the men in the group stepped towards the girl, the young thing immediately took a step away, keeping the distance as they waited. Fear and uncertainty were written all over her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko arrived at the entrance to the oasis dressed in his royal robes. The others were waiting for him, and the Water Sage opened the gate to the oasis as soon as Zuko arrived. His young face and shorter stature stood out among the small group. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko couldn’t help but stare at Anayah’s widowed mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face was a stone and she stood completely straight, shoulders back. Her eyes were empty and she looked completely numb and unaware of what was happening around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, Nya” Arnook said softly to the orphaned girl. The chief reached out to give Nya a comforting brush on the shoulder and she instantly flinched away. Her eyes were wide and she grasped a piece of cloth tightly in her hands. Hesitantly, she stepped forward towards the pool, looking briefly over her shoulder at the group behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes locked onto Zuko’s for a split second and Zuko’s heart broke. It was like looking in a mirror from years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the entire group stood around the pool where the koi fish swam in their eternal circle, the girl knelt and dropped a dark blue headband in the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cloth sank to the bottom of the pool as the Water Sage murmured a prayer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Pappa,” the girl whispered. She kissed her little fingertips then touched the surface of the water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chief Arnook’s mouth grew into a tight line and Zuko saw a single tear drip down the chieftain’s face. It was the first time the little girl had spoken since the incident.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl backed away and took a timid place next to Zuko, keeping the distance from the Water Sage and the Chief. It was a silent subtle declaration of trust. Zuko was young, and somehow, not quite as scary as the others. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Water Sage stepped forward and pulled the cloth from the pool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May his soul find peace as his spirit forever lives in the currents around us,” the sage murmured solemnly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anayah’s mother was next. In one hand she held a tiny blue and white bracelet. In the other she held a tiny bone knife. She stepped forward silently and dropped the bracelet in the water and watched as it sank to the bottom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group waited, but the woman held on to the knife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keyah, you must let him go. He must find peace,” Arnook said softly after a few minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only Anayah deserves peace,” the mother said. Her voice cracked as she said her daughter’s name. “He...</span>
  <em>
    <span>He does not...and neither do I…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She snapped the blade open and Arnook lunged forward, instantly realizing what was about to happen. He was too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The woman sank to the ground gasping and Arnook caught her in his arms. Simultaneously, Zuko turned and blocked Nya’s view. The little thing did not need to witness what was taking place. It was bad enough that she could hear the sounds. He was a stranger to her, but Nya quickly latched onto Zuko’s robe in a reflex that caught him off guard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, don’t look” Zuko whispered. He could feel the child trembling as she nodded against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keyah! Keyah!” Arnook called. But it was too late. Keyah gasped and strained gurgles crept up her throat for agonizing minutes until there was chilling silence. Keyah’s head sagged against the chieftain’s arms as her sightless eyes stared up into the sky. The blade protruded from her chest, lodged firmly between the ribs. A small trickle of blood dripped down from her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The best healer couldn’t have done anything at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fire Lord Zuko, please, take Nya out of here,” Chief Arnook said. Zuko looked over his shoulder just as Arnook reached up and closed the woman’s eyes. He nodded and made sure to continue to use his body to block the scene from Nya’s view. The girl refused to turn her head out of Zuko’s thick robe, and she clung tightly to him as he led her out of the spirit oasis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once outside, the little thing burst into tears. Zuko dropped to his knees and pulled Nya into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck with a desperation that broke Zuko’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know who was to blame in this situation. Yugoda suspected that Anayah’s father was a monster of the worst kind. Anayah believed a firebender had taken her father away. The easiest thing to do had always been to blame his family and their legacy. A legacy of war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Zuko had long since learned that the sins of his forefathers were not his to bear. He had stopped blaming himself long ago. No, now he turned all that pain and all the hate and anger towards the soulless essense that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>war.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>War ripped families apart. War turned good men into monsters. War ruined homes and destroyed lives. War is what made his nation an unstable empire of false pride and glory. War had taken Katara’s mother away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did not hate the people. He hated the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only other thing he knew was the little girl in his arms had suffered enough. The cycle of violence and abuse continued. How could he ever do enough to stop it completely? It was no wonder Katara had felt so lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was starting to feel it too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko returned to the Fire Nation with a heavy heart. It was now almost two months since anyone had seen Katara. The event at the spirit oasis lay heavy on his chest. No amount of meditating could lift his spirits and the boat ride home seemed to take much longer than a week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once back in his home harbor, Zuko was able to confirm that Katara did indeed get off in the Fire Nation over a month ago. From there he was unable to track her, but one thing was clear. Katara was doing all of this of her own volition. She would come back under that same power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki had been the first to greet him when he entered the throne room. Sokka had been taking all of his free time and been investing it in cheering up Toph. Things had gone smoothly while Zuko was gone. He was thankful to return to his palace. Part of him feared that the combination of Sokka and Toph would be too much and he would come back to find utter chaos with his Prime Minister ready to kill him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Welcome back! Do you know…” Suki trailed off as she took in his worn appearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still don’t know where she is,” Zuko said in a hollow voice. “But I believe she is safe. I can’t know for sure, but I choose to believe she is ok.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki stepped towards him tentatively. Zuko looked so...broken.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>ok?” Suki asked. Zuko looked up at Suki and tears filled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No” Zuko said, his voice sounding hoarse, “I’m not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No other guards or servants were present and Zuko collapsed into the arms of his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suki, do you think Ilise and the other Kyoshi Warriors would be all right with me sending another orphan their way?” Zuko asked once he had pulled himself together. Suki kept her hand on Zuko’s arm and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Who is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little girl named Nya.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~0~0~0~</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The little boy skipped into the cemetery as rain continued to fall. Katara hesitated before following him. He stopped in front of a large tombstone set into the dirt. There was a little rock wall halfway constructed around the little plot. A little river of water flowed over the stone and had successfully knocked some over the carefully balanced wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy knelt, oblivious to the rain, and started to put the stones back where they were before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your...dad?” Katara asked softly. The boy looked up and paused his construction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...I like to pretend that he can hear me and that he’s helping me. I know that’s probably not true...but it’s nice to pretend,” the boy explained. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but people always start acting strange and want to go away if I talk about him. I just want to talk about him.” He looked downcast for a brief minute before he immediately brightened up and gestured at his project. “Look at my wall! I figured out how to do it all on my own. The hardest part was getting all the stones I needed. I’m going to make a gate and carve a big flame out of some wood too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara knelt down next to the boy and reached out to trace the carving on the rock. A small flame was carved into the tombstone along with several bars lined up beside it. Katara knew that mark. The man had been in the military.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was a soldier” the boy said proudly. “Mommy said he faced the waterbenders and giant spirit in the North Pole and was one of the bravest men who ever lived.”</span>
</p><p><span>Katara felt like she had just been stabbed. The father had been killed...</span><em><span>by waterbenders</span></em> <em><span>at the Battle of the North?</span></em><span> And here sat this little boy, talking with her like they were the best of friends.</span></p><p>
  <span>The boy could hate her. But evidently, he didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He sounds like he was very brave” Katara managed to get out. The boy nodded and continued to work on his wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’d be happy that the war is over” the boy said, a cloud passing over his sweet features for the first time. “The war was stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Katara could do was nod. The boy didn’t hate her. He hated the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She watched as the boy completed his repairs on his wall and stood up to admire his handiwork just as the rain started to clear. “I’m going to do the carving next. I’ve already tried once, but I got frustrated and accidently lit it on fire.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zhai! Where are you?” A female voice cut through the air. The boy froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh-oh” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d better run” Katara advised him. The boy nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Zhai!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re right.” He katowed and Katara bowed in return. “It was nice meeting you! Goodbye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boy tore across the cemetery and Katara watched him disappear over the hill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wished she reclaim the sweet innocent outlook on life that the young boy still possessed. Whatever force allowed him to look at her as a friend, and not see one of the people that had killed his father, Katara wanted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hoisted her pack on her shoulder and moved to leave the cemetery when she stubbed her toe sharply on the corner of something that was buried in the dirt. She just managed to catch her balance and stop herself from falling over when she realized she had stepped on another grave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She saw the first few letters on the tombstone and her heart nearly stopped. She dropped her pack and frantically pulled away the dirt and weeds that covered the stone plaque.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Servant to his Fire Lord and Country ~ Yon Rha Akane.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara fell to her knees over the grave and tears filled her eyes as she learned of her enemy’s fate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was lost to the world. Completely forgotten by his nation and everyone that knew him. His life had no meaning in it, and no one in his town had even batted an eye when he passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His fate was worse than she could have ever given him. No notoriety. No loved ones. No one to remember or mourn him. He had gotten his reward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only one that hadn’t forgotten him was Katara. He lived on, only through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She saw the true culprit then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yon Rha hadn’t taken her mother away, he was simply the vessel that war had corrupted.  War had taken Kya. War stole Hama’s life. War had changed Anayah’s father, letting him fill Anayah with the hate that drove her to violence. War had taken this young boy’s father, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>war</span>
  </em>
  <span> had been controlling Katara for the past decade of her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hatred Katara felt for Yon Rha suddenly lifted and rushed towards the past century of conflict. By letting the past consume her thoughts, Katara was prolonging it, becoming one of its final victims. The 100 year war would live on as long as people let it control their lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara could not forgive him. But she could let him go. Let him be the past along with Anayah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara stood up and wiped her eyes as the ever elusive peace she had been searching for flooded her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was time to go home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>~0~0~0~</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey Sparky &amp; Sokka,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>See, this is what people </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> do when they go on personal journeys of self-discovery on their own. I’ll try to give you updates on this whole situation as often as I can. I didn’t stay in Ba Sing Se for long and I’m already on the move. I didn’t want to get Uncle in trouble. He gave me some good advice and was able to help...I think. I’ll know if this plan of mine is going to work sooner or later.  I’m having a complete stranger write this down for me. They’ll probably go crazy if I tell them this letter is going to the Fire…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The next section of the letter was on a second page in completely different handwriting. Zuko smothered a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What did I just say? Never telling anyone that again. Pretty sure the guy wet himself. Anyway, I’m headed to Gaoling just like I promised. Hopefully I can send another letter from there. Here’s to hoping they don’t have a wooden fortress set up for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m nervous, Lee. I didn’t think I would be scared to do this, but I am. Let me know if you hear from Katara.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Toph.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko put down the letter and sighed. He missed Toph greatly. Hopefully this went the way she was planning. Ever since he had returned from his trip in the North Pole, things hadn’t smoothed out much. It seemed like there was a new fire to put out everyday, no pun intended. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a new virus that was running rampant across the northern Earth Kingdom. Zuko was working with other leaders to slow the spread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopefully Toph had a better handle on her problems than he had on his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saying goodbye to her hadn’t been easy, but at least he knew where she would be. Hopefully it wouldn’t be long before he saw her again too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least he’d had Sokka and Suki with him for the past month. Sokka was doing a very Sokka-job at being an ambassador, just as he always did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The council meetings became exciting the second Sokka joined them. So far, the experience of the past year had been hysterical, disastrous, and exactly what Zuko had needed. Sokka managed to bring an element of humor and honesty to the meetings that Zuko could not get away with as Fire Lord.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If only he would stop challenging every back-talking noble he came across to an Agni Kai.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re not even a firebender, Sokka!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“And your point?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki had spent the past week preparing for her trip in the North. He had hated asking her to leave, but Nya needed an escort to Kyoshi Island. The fact that the Kyoshi Warriors were also heading home softened the blow a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suki hadn’t seen her girls in a year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had left just the previous day and Sokka was already sulking about the palace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mai had returned to court, and though her relationship with Zuko had been tense ever since his return to the Fire Nation, he was glad to have her back. She had always been able to sway noble opinion in his favor. They were still engaged as far as their nation knew, but Zuko was looking forward to the day when he could finally announce their separation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he could announce a different engagement at the same time. The thought gave him butterflies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked out the window of his study. Spring would be ending in another month. Summer would be here in full force.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Katara had been missing for over three months.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>True to his word, Sokka had not let Hakoda know that Katara was missing. For all her father knew, Katara was still training in the North Pole. Zuko didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the ruse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first couple weeks when he got back, every time a servant announced a guest, Zuko jumped up, hoping beyond hope that Katara had returned. It was hard to be disappointed each time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when a servant announced another dignitary from another nation had just come into port, Zuko brushed it off. A few hours later there was another knock on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lady Katara is here to see you, my lord.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nearly fell on his face in his eagerness to get out from behind his desk. He opened the double doors wide, half terrified that there was a mistake and that Katara wouldn’t be standing right there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The servant bowed and quickly left the two alone. Katara dropped the pack she was carrying as her large blue eyes glistened with tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Katara here,” she said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was in his arms in the next second. The royal robes circled her as he enveloped her in an embrace and squeezed her as close to his chest as he could. First things first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you all right?” he whispered. Katara nodded against his shoulder. Zuko pulled back and cupped her chin in his hands. His sharp amber eyes bored through her and Katara could feel the weight of the tsunami of emotion that hid behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you ever,</span>
  <em>
    <span> ever, </span>
  </em>
  <span>scare me like that again,” Zuko ordered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that he kissed her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A weight lifted from his chest as her essence surrounded him. He had believed she was all right for all this time, but to have her physically here in front of him now, it was a different kind of peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the questions he had could be asked later as he lost himself in the feeling and taste and touch of the woman in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without breaking the kiss, he pulled her into his study and shut the doors behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After supper that evening, Sokka, Zuko and Katara settled in the tea room to compare notes and explain everything that had taken place in the past three months. Though Zuko still felt hurt that Katara had not immediately come to him, he found comfort in the fact that she had felt safe enough to stay in his country for sanctuary.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was late when Sokka bid them goodnight and headed to bed after giving his sister one last hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For the sake of all of us, please don’t do that again,” he requested sweetly. “I don’t think I can deal with another one of us disappearing without a trace.” Katara smiled and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise” she reassured her brother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Sokka closed the door Katara turned to Zuko. She fingered his thick chest plate. As handsome and as regal as he looked in the getup, Katara hated the royal robes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any way you could lose some of these layers? It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>summer now, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko grinned as Katara removed the extra robes and armor then moved in for a tight warm hug. She relished the feeling of being so close to him without the extravagant royal fanfare getting in the way. When he was dressed in just his red pants and loose tunic it reminded her of the time the Gaang had spent together on Ember Island during the war.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled back and reached up to Zuko’s topknot. He lowered his head so she could carefully remove his royal headpiece and pull out the tie holding his hair in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s better” Katara whispered to him as his hair dropped down to frame his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Together they stretched out together on the sofa in the tea room and Katara contently snuggled against Zuko’s chest. The conversation had not been an easy one and she was worn out emotionally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t believe that both Anayah and her mother were gone. Zuko explained his suspicions about Anayah’s father and it made Katara feel sick to her stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should have known, Zuko. I noticed things...but I never did anything about it. And those guards. She killed them with bloodbending, Zuko, and it wasn't like she had no other choice. She made me unconscious. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>chose</span>
  </em>
  <span> to kill those men.” Katara shuttered as Yin’s words came back to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“They were looking for an excuse. If you hadn't said anything they would have just used someone else to justify their actions.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara had nothing to do with the darkness that was already in Anayah’s heart. Regardless, Katara still grieved the girl. For a short time, they had been friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko shook his head and pulled her tighter against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t blame yourself. Take it from someone who has spent the past few years realizing I am not responsible for the sins of other people,” Zuko said softly. Katara nodded. It would take time, but she could do that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This girl, Nya. Do you really think sending her to Kyoshi is a good idea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko nodded. “I really do. If there’s anyone that can help Nya recover it’s Suki and Ty Lee. That’s another thing. The Kyoshi warriors are all headed back home. They were able to locate the last pocket of Dai Li agents and send them back for trial in Ba Sing Se.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s wonderful!” Katara exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to stay here for a little bit?” Zuko asked. “Or are you going to head home to the South?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...don’t know. I need to let Yugoda know I’m all right. For all I know Dad has found out and is panicking about me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can send some messages tomorrow,” Zuko offered. Katara nodded and he gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head. She was quiet and resting. Zuko was loving the peaceful moment but he had to get something off his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Katara, you know I’ve got to ask…” Zuko began hesitantly. “Why didn’t you come to me first? We’ve shared each other's scars and burdens for so long. Why was this time so different?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara sat up. Zuko knew all her mistakes and personal demons better than anyone else. There were things that Zuko knew that even Hakoda wasn’t aware of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you would try to help me confront everything, and I wasn’t ready for that. I felt guilty and ashamed and ugly...and I didn’t want </span>
  <em>
    <span>anybody </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see me. Not even you,” Katara said after a minute. Even saying the words was hard. “I just wanted to hide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now?” Zuko asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara looked down at their joined hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I let it go, Zuko. I let </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> go. It took me years but I finally did it. The past is the past and for once I’m finally going to leave it there...that includes Anayah. I wasn’t willing to believe that Aang could be partially right.” It was a hard thing to admit. She hated that the argument was the last conversation she had with him before he disappeared. Zuko reached up and stroked her hair, curling it down around her ear as she spoke. It was comforting and the words came easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still want to pursue bloodbending as a healing avenue, but I don’t think I should be the only person who decides who learns it. I was blinded by the friendship I had with her. I wasn’t being objective or wise. I thought I would know when someone was ready...” Katara trailed off. “I was wrong,” she finished softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good judgment comes with time...and a lot of mistakes,” Zuko said. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>A lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> of mistakes. Trust me.” He squeezed her shoulders and kissed her temple again. “Maybe Yugoda can help you select students to teach. You don’t have to bear the burden on your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Katara agreed. “Maybe...maybe Aang can help me too...when he gets back.” She stared at the fireplace as she ran her thumb over the top of his hand.  “I think..I think I’m still going to struggle with guilt...but in time hopefully I can let that go too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it that Pakku always says?” Zuko asked “Don’t try to fix all your problems in one night?” Katara smiled and nodded. She leaned back and rested her head on his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay with you for a little bit, Zuko,” Katara said softly. “As long as the Fire Lord is all right with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko chuckled. “I think he might be just fine with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll have to find me a room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Zuko tightened his grip on her. He had worried about her for too long to let her out of his sight now.  “Stay with me tonight. Just like this. We can figure out the details later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Katara nodded and slipped a hand beneath the neckline of his robe and rested it just over his heart. The comforting hum of his bloodstream filled her ears as sleep finally began to pull at her eyelids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were no nightmares that night.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If any of you are wondering if the events of this story play a part in the greater mystery and storyline of the series. As said before, I love foreshadowing, so freakin yes absolutely. I hope you paid attention. :)</p><p>Toph Alone is next and will be posted within a week. Subscribe to this series to make sure you don't miss any new installments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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